


Heart of A Girl

by Harryissuchalittleshit



Series: The Imprint Anthology [6]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Character Death, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Sibling Bonding, Surrogacy, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Sex, sibling and parent death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 37,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harryissuchalittleshit/pseuds/Harryissuchalittleshit
Summary: Three months.It took one moment to find love, three months to make it stick. One summer with Cali Ateara changed Seth Clearwater's life for the better. One summer, one girl, and secrets that can't be broken, can't be shared with anyone.He learns to sleep again, she learns to let go.Three months is a long time.
Relationships: Carolynn Clearwater/Tim-Tim Cast, Chris Ateara/Hannah Uley, Connor Clearwater/Carli Call, Riley Finau/Collie Clearwater, Seth Clearwater/Cali Ateara
Series: The Imprint Anthology [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674550
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Seth's turn! 
> 
> I have the next story, Embry and Hailey written and done, then it'll be Sam and Emily and I'll be done with the series! I'm super excited that this little Quarantine passion project became an over 300,000 word story.

**Heart of A Girl**

_The Killers_

Cali stared at her reflection in the mirror.

Her hair was longer than she kept it, her glasses were too big for her face, and her stomach still held onto those last fifteen pounds that she needed to lose. She hated how she looked, so awkward and unusual with her green eyes and too short hair and her olive skin. She was exotic to the kids in Forks, even if she only grew up fifteen minutes away from them in La Push.

On the reservation that never changed.

She turned her head and looked outside the window, it was raining, just as if did every day here. For as long as she lived in La Push, she wanted to run away, just like her brother.

Connor didn’t have to deal with their parents, with the kids of the rez, with anyone. He was gone, away from the world that suffocated them.

She turned back to the mirror.

Her thighs were wider than she wanted, and she had stretch marks on her legs, her stomach, and her breasts. Though it had been months since anyone had seen her naked, it would probably be years before anyone saw her naked again.

Cali touched her stomach, just a few months ago, everything had been different.

She left her mirror and walked over to her closet, it was full of clothes that didn’t fit her and clothes that had belonged to Connor once. She picked through the sweaters and hoodies and shorts that she once loved, that used to fit her like an old glove. She skipped over the sundress that hung in the very back, it still smelled like sunlight and sweet smoke and a day from September that she still didn’t quite remember.

September still came in and out of her memories, like lightning during a bad storm. Parts of it were bright, lighting up the sky, while the rest was dark and loud, the thunder shaking the house and rattling the windows. September was a lifetime away, the proof of it sleeping in the crib behind her.

Her uniform still fit, old and worn almost to threads. It had always been a little big, but it fit better now. It fit like how it always was supposed to.

Cali walked over to the crib, to the little boy sleeping on his back.

Christopher, her baby boy, her Chris, loved to sleep. He loved to sleep and cuddle with her, loved to coo and try to smile. He was warm and soft and lovely, but most of all he was _hers_.

She had never loved anyone so unconditionally, she had never loved anyone like she loved Chris. He kept her breathing, he kept her going every day. He gave her the strength to do more, to go back to work, to go back to school, to go back to the life she had before him.

Chris was a superhero and Cali was just a girl who would do anything for him.

Cali leaned over the side of the crib and kissed him, before getting down on her knees in front of the crib to look at him. He was sweet baby, he was sweet and good to her, much better than she was to her own parents.

“You be good for mom,” Cali told him, reaching her hand through the bars and grabbing his hand. She squeezed his hand softly and stroked his little fingers, he opened his eyes, the exact same as hers.

She had green eyes, passed down from her grandmother, and while they looked odd on her, they were so natural on him. Chris was perfect, he got her eyes and her nose, but the rest of him was Connor, all Connor.

Sometimes, looking at him hurt, looking at Chris and seeing Connor, seeing her brother, hurt her down to her core. Sometimes just being around Chris hurt her.

“Mommy loves you,” whispered Cali, as Chris blinked at her. He was still too young to focus on her, to focus on her eyes or mouth, usually he ended up just looking at her forehead or nose or chin.

It was good enough for her, Chris would always be good enough.

“I love you.”

~`~

Love is struggling.

The feeling of drowning, the overwhelming sense of darkness, the feeling of falling. It was all a struggle. The struggle to wake up was worse than the struggle to fall asleep, though sleep alluded him longer than anyone could know or imagine.

It was easy to never wake up if you never slept.

~`~

Seth stared at Cali’s bright eyes.

She was beautiful. Nothing in this world could be more beautiful than her, than her eyes, than her dark hair, than her full lips and skin the matched his. She was beautiful and he couldn’t stand it, every part of him, of his soul and his heart couldn’t stand being around her.

He couldn’t stand the thought of her not with him.

He stood on the sidelines of parties, watching her laugh and talk to the people that seemed to flock to her. He never let her out of his sight, following after her as she went from room to room, bringing her friends with her.

“Is that my Cali?” called a voice behind them and Seth felt his shoulders grow tight. It wasn’t that he hated Karson Connweller, it was just that he couldn’t stand the way Cali got around him. He pushed her to drink, pushed her to stay pass curfew, pushed her into becoming someone he didn’t recognize.

“Karson!” yelled Cali, walking into his arms and letting him hold her the way Seth wanted to hold her.

Seth stood back in the kitchen doorway, away from the pair of them as the leaned up against the kitchen counter, the pair of them inseparable as they whispered and talked. Cali was wearing a pair of shorts that showed off her legs and a shirt that looked more like a glorified napkin.

All he could see was skin, gorgeous olive skin that matched his, matched Karson’s. She was the same age as him, but something about her was different, he wasn’t able to tell what exactly it was. He wasn’t able to tell much about her, about her life or friends or what she did for fun…other than come to parties.

“Karson, no!” yelled Cali, pulling away from him, the smile, the most perfect smile that he had ever seen, flattering. Seth stayed where he was, it was his job to protect her, to keep her safe, but while the wolf inside of him wanted him to defend her, he knew that he couldn’t do that.

He wasn’t going to scare her away.

Cali took a second step away from Karson, but he pushed forward, stumbling over his own feet. He smiled drunkenly down at Cali, who put her hand on his chest to keep him away. He tried to push forward again, but she grabbed her pop can and poured the contents over his head.

“I told you no!” she yelled, pushing him into the counter and walking over to Seth. “Can you take me home?”

It was his favorite part of the night, when they sat together in his jeep on the ride back to La Push. Cali had so much music, so much knowledge of bands and songs and albums, she knew the lyrics to every song on the radio no matter the genre.

“I’m so sorry about this,” said Cali as they walked out of the house and down the front steps. The overwhelming noise and music was cut off as the door slammed shut behind them. “I just hate it when he thinks he can tell me what to do.”

Seth helped her up into his jeep, closing the door for her before walking around to the driver’s side. Cali had her hand posed to adjust the radio as he started the jeep.

“Karson acts like just because I slept with him all last year-“ said Cali as she jabbed at the presets angrily. “-that he can tell me what to do. As if I don’t have a brain or a single thought of my own!”

Seth glanced at her, she was glaring at his radio and he couldn’t help but smile. Even angry, she was beautiful, her eyes seemed brighter and her lips were trembling as she turned her attention away from the radio to outside the window.

“Just because he hates it here doesn’t mean the rest of us do,” Cali went on, throwing her hands up in the limited space between them. “His sister found a home here, why can’t he?”

Seth was quiet, he knew Karson’s sister, Kim, better than he probably should have. Jared only ever took his mind off of her long enough to focus on the Pack, but even then his mind wandered back to her. Everyone who imprinted did that and even those who didn’t, like Jacob and Leah, always wandered back to their loved ones.

Seth always liked Kim though, she was nicer to him than even his own Pack brothers, she also didn’t treat him like a little kid like Leah did or needed to be taken care of like Rose. It was probably because Kim was used to being treated like she needed to be pitied.

Seth was often pitied because his father died, _and_ because Leah ran off with Jacob, _and_ because his mom was never around, _and_ because Rose tried to kill herself.

It was a lot, but he dealt with it, he didn’t sleep, and because of that, he didn’t have any nightmares.

“I’m sorry to just put this all on you,” said Cali, turning to look at Seth. He stared out the windshield, out at the rain slick streets, and at the sign that marked the treaty line. “I’m sure you don’t care about any of it.

He cared about Cali, but honestly Karson was just a pain to everyone on the reservation. He was almost always drunk and he never showed up to school, he was worse than any of them in the Pack.

“It’s fine,” said Seth, reaching over and squeezing her hand. “It’s better to let it out than keep it in.”

Cali smiled at him and Seth felt his heart skip a beat, he would do anything to keep that smile in his life.

~`~

Love is sacrifice.

The pain, the love, the forgiveness. It’s wanting something so much that you would give everything else up for it.

It was how she felt all the time.

Everything she did, everything that she wanted, she gave up for him. She gave her life, her happiness, even her love for him. She gave him everything.

~`~

Cali pulled off her uniform.

She was tired, her body ached, and she just wanted see Chris. She kicked off her shoes and pulled on her shorts and sighed as she picked up Chris. He stared at her with her own eyes, bright green and stunning.

“Are we hungry baby?” asked Cali as she walked over to the window seat. She cradled him in her arms as she pulled her tank top up and let him latch on. She stared down at the forest line and watched as the wolves appeared.

She had known about the wolves for a long time, her cousin Sam, had been the first one to phase. He had disappeared for two weeks, with the whole Tribe, the whole community searching for him. He had finally appeared right outside her window, drenched in rain and completely naked. It was the first time Cali had ever seen him shaken and scared.

Embry Call appeared first, rubbing his stomach as he said something to someone else, just out of her sight. Quil Ateara, another of Cali’s cousins, appeared next. He was laughing and Cali smiled, even from afar, she could tell that he was happy, Quil had been Connor’s favorite cousin.

The pair of them started walking in the direction of the store pushing and laughing at each other, even when Embry got Quil in a choke hold. Cali suddenly wanted to be down on the rain soaked road with them, between the pair of them as they laughed and played.

She looked down at Chris in her arms, he had pulled away from her and was now sleeping. She climbed out of her window seat and turned off the light, before climbing into her bed.

Her brain was all over the place, tonight was the fifth time she had ever left a party before the police came. It had also been the fifth party she had never had a beer at. She was seventeen, she was supposed to be staying out all night and having fun and enjoying her summer, just as she had the years before.

At least she had Seth to give her a ride home. He had been so nice and understanding about it, he had been the opposite of Karson the last few times she saw him. Seth was so nice to her, he was really sweet and funny and he was so helpful. She liked working with him and she liked having him around at parties, no one bothered her anymore when they walked in together.

Cali sighed and held Chris to her chest as she stroked his hair, it was soft and warm. It still didn’t make sense to her how she had been so lucky, how he could be hers, all hers.

She started to hum to herself, when she had been pregnant with Chris, she used to hum to him before she went to bed every night. She would hold her stomach and whisper to him, tell him all about Connor, all about La Push, and all about the world she lived in. She hadn’t wanted to be pregnant with him, but when she gave birth to him, held him in her arms for the first time, all of her anger disappeared.

All of her anger at Chris, at Connor, at herself disappeared.

But the anger she had for Karson, who never came to see Chris, never came to see her after he was born, still simmered deep in her stomach. Karson was a father, he knew that Chris was his, she had told him that she was pregnant before her parents pulled her out of school.

He hadn’t cared, that much she saw tonight.

He only cared about partying, about getting drunk and having a good time.

She couldn’t have him around Chris.

~`~

Love is frustrating.

He doesn’t know why it’s so hard, why he struggles with this, why he can’t handle her. She is funny and wild and beautiful, looking at her is like looking at the moon, she is bright and shining and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to say, what he can say, she is perfect, and he is…he is nothing.

Cali is his moon, his life, and he’ll died thinking of her.

~`~

Seth pulled up to the back door of the diner, it was his day off, but Cali had texted him and asked for a ride. He couldn’t say no to her, he could never say no to her. Cali was his imprint and he was helplessly loss.

“Hey,” said Cali as she pulled open the door to the jeep and climbed in, she had gotten a lot quicker at climbing in over the last few weeks. “Thanks for coming with me.”

Seth smiled and waited for her to buckle herself in before he started driving. He kept glancing over at her, he had seen her a few times out of uniform, but she had been wearing sweatpants and baggy shirts then, other than the one party. Now, she was wearing a pair of shorts that showed off her long smooth legs, and a tank top that was made out of sheer fabric and dipped low on her chest. He felt himself grow warm, he didn’t want anyone to see her like this, no one except for him.

Cali was going to be the death of him, plain and simple.

“So it should only be for a few hours,” said Cali as she pulled her visor down and looked at herself in the mirror. “But if you decide that you want to leave early, I won’t mind.”

“We go together and we leave together,” Seth told her, as he glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. “That’s how it works.”

“I like it,” said Cali as she put the visor back up and smiled at him. She had a thousand watt smile, it made his heart feel light. “Thank you.”

Cali reached forward and started to mess around with the radio, he didn’t even bother with it anymore just leaving it for her to play with. He never cared much for music, but it was obvious that music meant a lot to Cali.

“I have an aux cord if you want to plug in,” Seth told her, as he found the cord and handed it to Cali. Behind them the diner disappeared from sight.

Cali rolled her eyes and grabbed the aux cord, pulling out her phone and scrolling through her music.

“What do you feel like?” asked Cali, as she rested her phone on her knee.

“What do you mean?” asked Seth, as he turned toward Forks, they were going to Port Angeles for a bit of shopping and for a party later that night.

“What do you want to listen to?” asked Cali, looking up at him, her eyes dark and innocent.

“Educate me,” said Seth, and she bit her lip before picking up her phone again.

“I have a weird taste in music, lots of classic punk rock like the Ramones, the Cure, and the Clash. I also like a lot of pop too, which I know is very stereotypically, but growing up with Quil meant that it was all we would listen too,” said Cali, as she scrolled through her phone, a smile on her face. “Also I have been into a lot of country music lately, it helps me fall asleep.”

“Helps you fall asleep?” asked Seth, glancing over at her as he switched lanes. “Do you have any suggestions?”

Cali laughed and the music started, soft and tangy with a lulling deep voice. She sang along and Seth stared at her, she had a beautiful voice, it reminded him of the girl from the school musical last year. He had dragged Rose to the fall musical, just to get her out of the house and for them to do something together.

He couldn’t remember the name of the musical, but he would remember her voice. Even before he imprinted on Cali, he had fallen in love with her voice.

“This song always makes me think of Connor,” whispered Cali as the song changed, she didn’t look at him, just stared out at the street in front of them. “He always wanted to get off of the rez, said he would join the army or navy if he had too.”

Seth remembered when Connor died, it had been about seven months before his father had passed. If he had been a few months older, or if the wolf genes had kicked in sooner, then would’ve been fine.

His car flipping over and into the ditch wouldn’t have been a big deal, he would’ve been able to walk away with little to no damage. Instead, he had been found dead at the scene, he had been driving too quickly on slick roads.

“I remember when that happened,” Seth told her, glancing over at her. Her face was tight, as if she was about to cry and her hands were fists with her knuckles white. “It was a few months before my dad died.”

“Sorry,” said Cali softly, turning to look back out the window.

“For what?” asked Seth, she had no reason to apologize to him, Connor had been her brother.

Cali was quiet, just staring out the window as the radio played, one song melding into another and into another after that. Slowly, her face calmed and her shoulders and fists relaxed.

“Hey Seth,” said Cali finally, breaking her silence and turning to him. “Do you want to go home?”

They had finally arrived in Port Angeles, but Seth quickly found a spot to turn around in.

“Yeah, no problem.”

~`~

Love is protection.

Safety, care, warmth, they’re the steps, the baby steps to love. It’s all she wants, all she wants for herself, for her baby. She wants the world for Chris, and she’ll fight to get it. She wants everything for him, and she’ll fight anyone to get it.

She wants safety, protection, and love. Things she hasn’t had in years, things she craves for her son.

~`~

Cali sat on the hood of Seth’s jeep, staring out at the water.

She loved First Beach, her beach, her water, her life. She always found peace watching the waves, she always timed her breathing to the push and pull of the water.

“It’s going to rain,” said Seth, as he looked up at the clouds above them. Cali followed his gaze and took in a deep breath, she loved the smell of the rain.

“It always rains here,” Cali told him, because they both knew it was true. Living in La Push meant that they never got away from the water, whether it was the ocean or the rain, they never escaped the water.

Seth moved to climb off of the hood, but Cali reached out and put a hand on his arm, keeping him there. She closed her eyes, her face still facing the sky as the rain started. It had been so long since she stood out in the rain, since she let herself be washed anew.

“When I was little,” she told him when he finally got her inside the jeep again, the pair of them soaked through their clothes. Seth had taken off his shirt and laid it on the dashboard. “My cousin Sam, used to get so annoyed when I would insist that we played out in the rain. I would never want to go inside, even when it was cold outside.”

“Sam is your cousin?” asked Seth, as Cali slipped off her shoes and tucked her feet underneath herself.

“He’s like my godbrother, our dads were really close and when Joshua took off, my dad took Sam in,” Cali explained, Sam was more like a brother to her than a cousin, but that’s how they always referred to each other. “The night that Connor died, I had to close the diner with mom because that girl went missing in Forks. Sam and my dad went over there to go help and mom went over afterwards. I got the call from the police station, and I don’t know how Sam knew, but he was there right after I hung up the phone. He came to the diner and he took me with him to the crash site. We identified him together and then we went home and started planning the funeral.”

“Cali,” said Seth softly and Cali looked at him. His eyes had soften and somehow his hand had ended up on her knee, she didn’t mind the feel on his hand there. “I’m so sorry.”

It wasn’t the first time that someone apologized for Connor’s death, but it was the first time that someone sounded so genuine about it, someone who didn’t know her brother. Cali laced her fingers with his and brought their hands to her mouth.

Seth’s eyes went wide as she kissed his fingertips.

“Thank you,” whispered Cali, meeting his eyes and moving closer to him. She climbed over the center consul and into his lap, she cradled his face in her hands and pulled his mouth down to hers.

Seth’s lips were soft against hers, soft and warm and perfect. His hands moved up and down her back, moving under her shirt and pulling her close to his chest.

It had been months since she last had sex, but at her last doctor’s appointment, she had gotten the okay to be physical again. She gasped as his lips moved down her jaw and neck, his hands moved farther up her shirt, pulling it off of her.

Cali pulled away, letting herself take a breath and look down at Seth. He was looking at her so intensely, his eyes like molten onyx and his hands on her waist holding her tightly. She put her hands on his shoulders, moving one down his chest, over his abs.

He seemed too young to have abs, but she had seen weirder things in her life.

“Are you okay with this?” she whispered, not taking her eyes off of his.

“I am,” said Seth, as he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, holding her closer to him. “Are you?”

“If you have a condom then I am,” she countered, as she reached behind her and took off her bra.

Seth was gentle as he kissed her, as he touched her, as he pulled her shorts off. She pulled his shorts off and grabbed a condom out of the pack in the glove box.

She didn’t know that it could be slow and gentle and sweet. She didn’t know that it could be so easy, so effortless to give herself over. She didn’t know that Seth was perfect. She also didn’t know that she could do this sober.

Cali attacked his mouth after, holding his face and kissing him as she felt herself come off the high. She didn’t know that sex could be this good, could be wonderful and magical and amazing.

“Cali,” gasped Seth, putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her away. He took a deep breath and looked up at her, “you’re amazing.”

She felt herself blush as he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him, chest to chest. Cali held his face, moving forward and kissing him softly. She moved her hands back, threading her fingers through his hair and holding him closer.

“Should we?” she whispered, pulling away long enough to glance at the open glove compartment. Seth pressed his mouth to hers in answer, his arms tightening around her waist.

~`~

Love is whispered secrets.

Quiet little moments, secrets shared as they lay on the same pillow, understanding passing back and forth.

Sleep doesn’t come easy for either of them, sleep and secrets and whispers aren’t easy for two people who are only secrets. Love comes in secrets, love is built upon secrets.

~`~

Seth tip-toed behind Cali as she pulled him behind her.

He had never been in the house above the diner, never had to climb up the stairs and see the life that Cali lived behind closed doors. She led him down the hall and to the second door, opening it slowly and pulling him inside. She flipped on the light the second Seth closed the door quietly behind him.

“Don’t freak out,” she whispered, as Seth blinked to let his eyes adjust to the sudden bright light. He found Cali standing next to a crib, bending down over the baby behind the bars. She picked them up and turned around, facing Seth. “This is Chris.”

He had to be the same age as Max, about two months old.

“Is he…?” whispered Seth, stepping forward to look down at Chris. He was beautiful, he looked just like Cali, same cheekbones, same lips, same oval shaped face, even the same intensely green eyes.

“He’s almost seven weeks old,” whispered Cali as the pair of them stared down at him. “He’s my son, Seth.”

Part of him knew, it explained her sudden absence from school, not that he remembered until he overheard one of the diner patrons asking her about it. It also explained the stretch marks he saw on her legs and stomach, and how firm her breasts had been in his hands, against his chest.

She was still everything that he wanted.

“He’s beautiful Cali,” he told her, softly stroking Chris’ cheek and along his hairline.

He looked up to see her eyes on his face, to see her smile a heart stopping smile at him, she was everything he wanted. She was everything he would always want.

“He’s my world,” said Cali, as she took a step back from him, Chris started to fuss, his tiny hands moving in the air. Max was just a week older than Chris, and Seth could recognize a fit when he heard one. “Sorry, he’s hungry.”

Seth watched her as she sat down in the window seat, she pulled up her tank-top and put Chris on her breast. Something about the action, it was so tender, so loving, it actually made his heart skip a beat.

“Don’t apologize,” he told her, sitting down on her bed and watching as she held Chris to her chest. This was so different than when he was around Leah, when he was around Emily or Rachel, this was Cali, plain and simple.

Cali nodded and looked down lovingly at Chris, rubbing his back and smiling her heart-stopping smile.

It was just so domestic, and also typical of Seth to imprint on someone who had a baby. He would’ve never gone after Caitlyn Ateara, never in a million years would he have thought of her.

But here he was, in her bedroom, in a post-sex bliss, with a girl who he couldn’t help but love. She was a girl he would never be able to leave, to want to be away from.

Unlike Jacob, he was actually dedicated to his imprint.

Seth had liked spending time with the Cullens, he still did actually, he brought Rose over almost every day. He let Rosalie shape and mold and fix her, anything to keep Brady away from her. He had imprinted on his sister, on his Rose. He really hated the thought of Brady being around her, he knew enough of Sam and Jared and Paul’s relationships to ever wish that on his sister.

“It was an accident,” said Cali as she pulled Chris off of her chest and started patting his back. “I didn’t want to have him, but now I can’t imagine my life without him, I can’t imagine my future without him now.”

“What do you want for your future?” asked Seth, as Cali readjusted her shirt and Chris in her arms.

“After I graduate high school and turn eighteen,” said Cali, climbing out of her seat and into Seth’s lap, letting him cradle her against his chest. “I get the diner, it was always the plan. Connor was supposed to run the grill side and I the front, now I get to run everything myself.”

“Is that what you want?” asked Seth, turning them around and laying back on the pillows. His feet hung off the end of the bed, but Cali rested her head on his chest and let him run his fingers through her hair.

“Connor was never going to stay here,” whispered Cali, as she twisted her head to look up at him. “He would never let himself stay.”

Seth didn’t know Connor all that well, he knew that he was supposed to be one of his Pack brothers, but that was all. Other than a few memories or the little he was told by Cali over the last few weeks, he didn’t know much else.

“That’s what Leah always said,” Seth whispered, as he lazily traced her spine through her sheer tank-top. “Now she’s stuck here with a baby.”

“Yeah,” agreed Cali, slowly closing her eyes. “That’s what this place does.”

~`~

Love is waking up.

Actually it’s falling asleep in the first place. Something that hasn’t happened easily in so long, not since the change started to happen, not since the process started to infect him.

He had never been good at sleep, had never easily fallen asleep. Rose and Leah kept each other awake, but always curled up together at some point and fell asleep. He didn’t get anyone to curl up in bed with him, the only boy in a house full of girls.

Sleep was love.

~`~

Seth opened his eyes.

It had been so long since he easily feel asleep and since he woke up feeling refreshed and not still tired. Cali was still asleep in his arms, her face pressed into his neck, her breath tickling his chest. Chris was awake in her arms, looking around, his eyes not really focusing on anything.

He was quiet.

Anytime he came around Leah and Jake’s house or Sam and Emily’s or even Paul and Rachel’s little cottage, it was loud first thing in the morning. Max and Hannah, James and Jessica, they were angry and loud, always screaming and crying, always wanting something.

Chris though, was quiet. He was calm and his eyes seemed to finally settle on Cali.

Seth put a hand on Chris’ back and watched as he blinked and slowly closed his eyes, lulled back to sleep just by the overwhelming warmth of his hand. He turned his head to look over at the little alarm clock on the dresser beside the bed. It was ten in the morning, he had been asleep for eleven hours, he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept that long.

“Are you awake?”

He turned his head just as Cali untucked her face from his neck. She slowly sat up, readjusting her shirt and rubbing her eyes, leaving Chris on his chest.

“Yeah,” whispered Seth, as Cali pushed her hair behind her shoulders and rubbed her eyes. She stretched her arms above her head and let out a yawn as she climbed over him and out of the bed.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered, before walking out the door.

Seth cradled Chris in his arms and sat up, rubbing his back as he swung his legs onto the floor.

“Are you hungry?” asked Cali, opening the door for him.

Seth leaned against the counter as Cali held Chris in one arm, feeding him, and made them breakfast with her free hand. His mom never really let them in the kitchen when they were little, unless she needed them to do the easy work. But watching Cali, it was obvious that she was in her element.

“Why don’t you work in the kitchen?” asked Seth, as Cali handed in a large plate of eggs and toast and hash-browns.

“Because I don’t want to just be a short-order cook,” said Cali leading them over to the small table. There were only two seats, which made him wonder if Cali ever ate a meal with her parents all together, or if they only ate downstairs in the diner. “I want to cook in a real sit down restaurant with a menu that isn’t ten different combinations of the same thing.”

“So change it when you take over the diner,” Seth told her, only for her to roll her eyes.

“Every time that I’ve made a suggestion or come up with an idea or special that I’ve wanted to try, my parents just shut it down,” explained Cali, and Seth nodded, taking a bite of his food.

He had eaten at the diner plenty of times before, had this exact meal of eggs, hash-browns, and toast, but this was better. Whatever Cali had done, however she had seasoned or how she cooked the food, it just tasted better.

He knew this couldn’t be the imprint magic, there was something that Cali had done.

“This is really good,” he told her, taking another bite and another. Cali smiled at him and took a bite of her own food.

“Thanks,” said Cali, as she readjusted Chris so his head was resting on her shoulder. “I got really good at cooking for myself while I was up here all by myself.”

“Your parents pulled you out of school right?”

Cali stabbed at her eggs and Seth knew he said the wrong thing, asked the wrong question. “They waited until I was showing, until it became clear that I was pregnant and people were going to figure out. They let the rumors fly around so no one would find out that I was pregnant, but I don’t think that they really thought out what I was going to do when I went back to school, after I had Chris. They wanted me to give him up for adoption.”

“I don’t remember hearing about that,” said Seth, while Cali played with her eggs.

“The Elders knew.”

“Of course,” mumbled Seth, finishing off his food.

“It’s okay,” said Cali, rubbing Chris’ back. “But he’s kind of the reason that my parents don’t listen to any of my suggestions. They don’t trust me like they used to after I told them I was pregnant. Even less after I had him, but they watch him at night so I can attempt to have a life.”

“Just as long as you don’t get pregnant again?” asked Seth, hoping that she got the joke.

“Why do you think I asked if you had a condom?” countered Cali, smiling at him. Seth smiled back, and held his arms out to take Chris.

“I’ll hold him, you eat,” he offered, Cali bit her lip, then relented, handing over Chris and digging into her now cold plate.

~`~

Love is community.

Family, friends, neighbors, the town you live in, the people you grow up with, the people who raise you. They support, they help, and you grow with them.

The community will take care of you when you ask, the community will take care of you if you take care of it.

~`~

Cali held Seth’s hand as they walked up the steps to Sam and Emily’s house. Chris was strapped to her chest, under her zip up hoodie. She had brought him over a few times over the last few weeks, mostly so she could get Chris out of her bedroom and the house.

“Should’ve know,” said Sam from his rocking chair, “it’s Monday.”

Cali smiled and let go of Seth’s hand, walking over to Sam. “How’s Hannah been?”

Sam glanced behind him at the house, where upon closer inspection, she could hear wailing. Cali leaned against the porch railing and pulled Chris out from her hoodie.

“She’s not Chris,” said Sam as Cali handed over her son.

“No,” agreed Sam, as he cradled Chris in his arms. “So I take it Seth knows then?”

Cali turned to Seth, who still stood at the bottom of the steps with his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, just his shorts and sandals, Cali was wearing his shirt underneath his hoodie.

“Yeah, he’s taken it well,” Cali told him, beckoning over Seth, who quickly walked up the steps and over to Cali and took her outreached hand. She smiled up at him, she really liked Seth, and he seemed to get along well with Chris.

She watched as Sam and Seth shared a look, she didn’t know if it was a wolf thing or something else. She felt protected with Seth holding her hand, and with Sam so close by.

“Sam!”

Sam winced and stood up, handing Chris back to Cali and heading inside. Seth took his seat and held out his arms to Cali. She never had anyone who wanted to be with her so much, who wanted her in his arms, who wanted her close to him.

“So what is this?” asked Cali as she climbed into his arms and let him cradle her. “Are we a couple or is this just for fun…”

“I would like to be a couple,” whispered Seth, ducking his head and hiding it in her hair. “If you want to be my… my girlfriend?”

She had never been a girlfriend before, never had a boyfriend, never had a relationship pass having sex. Not even Karson counted.

“I’ve never done anything like this before Seth,” whispered Cali, as he rubbed her back and put a hand on her knee. “I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been in a… in a relationship before.”

Cali could feel herself blushing as Chris stirred in her arms and looked up at her. He had her eyes, bright green and innocent. He reached out a hand and grabbed at her hair, before putting his other hand into his mouth.

“We’re a package deal, Seth,” Cali told him, turning her head to look up at him and feeling Chris pull on her hair. “Chris and I are going nowhere, we’ll be stuck in La Push, and we’ll be stuck at the diner.”

“I think we need to talk to Sam and Emily,” said Seth, and Cali nodded, climbing off of his lap.

She didn’t know what it meant to date a wolf, what it was like for Hailey and Emily and Rachel and Kim. She didn’t know what it meant to be an imprint.

~`~

Love is family.

It’s Leah and Rose, it’s Sam and Emily, it’s Jacob and Max and Hannah. It’s the family you’re born into, the family you have yourself, and the family you find and make. He’s born to his parents, to Leah, to Rose, and to Sam and Emily. He finds Cali and Chris, finds them and make them his home. But Jacob, Embry, Quil, Collin, and Brady, the Pack is the family that found him, shape him, and make him into the person he is.

Cali and Chris are the family that he wants, that he’ll always want and need.

They make him grow.

~`~

“Seth I don’t know about any of this.”

Seth sighed from his spot on the floor, with Max on his chest and Chris asleep on his leg. Cali sat on the couch, with Hannah on her lap, her face unreadable.

Sam was the best at explaining the imprint, he helped it make sense, helped explain to everyone. He hadn’t been happy to have to explain what the imprint was to Cali, Seth had thought Cali had been joking about how close she and Sam were.

“Cali,” he said softly, lifting his head enough to look at her. Leah was asleep with her legs tangled up with Cali’s. Leah had come over with Max and Jacob just after Sam had finished explaining everything, then she handed over Max to Seth, sat on the couch and fell asleep. “Cali please?”

“Don’t push it Seth,” said Jacob, and Seth couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Shut up Jacob,” said Cali, and Seth put his head back on the floor.

He had hoped and pleaded that she would understand, that she would let all the pieces fall into place. He wanted all the pieces to fall into place, he would be a father to Chris if that was what Cali wanted.

“I just need time to think.”

He could give her that, he could give her time, but the thought of not being around her, not seeing her every day. He felt his heart squeeze uncomfortably.

Seth would see her at the diner, they would still work together, she would still want to go to her parties and see her friends. He would still be around her and see her in the Pack mind during patrols.

“Okay,” said Seth, because there really was nothing else to say. He would give her the world if she asked, he would give Chris the world if she asked.

“You have to understand that she can’t just think of herself anymore,” whispered Leah, from her seat on the couch, not opening her eyes. “Chris makes all the decisions now Seth.”

Seth carefully sat up, holding Max to his chest and Chris on his leg, he turned to glare at Leah. “I know, Leah.”

“You don’t though,” said Cali, handing over Hannah to Leah and untangling her legs to get to her feet. She bent down and picked up Chris, holding him against her chest, “Seth you don’t have a kid, a _baby_. I can’t tie myself down to forever when I don’t know what will happen in a year let alone an hour. I don’t know what to do with Chris, _anymore_ than you would, he’s a commitment that I don’t know if you’re ready to take.”

“Cali,” said Seth, getting to his own feet and handing off Max to Jacob. “You haven’t given me a chance.”

“We barely know each other Seth.”

“That’s not my fault!”

Seth took a step back, he was never one to get loud, to yell and scream, he always left that to his sisters. Rose was never one to get too loud, but Leah was vicious and scary when she wanted to be and loud when she didn’t.

Seth was raised by women who were always right, who knew everything. He was the youngest in his family, with Rose being a few weeks older than him, he never had the chance to be loud.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Seth, taking another step back, but the damage was already done. His angry had woken all three of the babies, who started crying and fussing and screaming.

“Get out of here Seth!” screamed Leah, getting to her feet and patting Hannah’s back. “Just go!”

Seth walked out the back door and didn’t let himself stay calm enough to take off his shorts before phasing, luckily his shoes were just sandals. The voices attacked him from all sides, echoing in his brain as he thought about what Cali said.

He could ignore the others, it was easy after the weeks when the Packs were split, until Sam finally calmed down and talked to Jacob. It took weeks for Jacob and Sam to figure things out, but now they were one Pack again.

“ _The ‘Diner Girl’! Seth are you dating her?_ ”

“ _Shut up Collin!_ ”

“ _Leave him alone!_ ”

“ _The imprint can’t be helped!_ ”

Seth ran without thinking, blocking out the noise, blocking out the others as his feet took him far away from the reservation. He felt like Jacob, back when he found out that Bella was getting married. He would run away until his head stopped spinning.

“ _Seth!_ ”

The voice of the Alpha, of Jacob, was hard to ignore. Impossible to disobey. He was their leader, he was their Chief, their commander and over reaching guardian. He was also his future brother-in-law, if Leah ever set a date.

Seth stopped, in the middle of a road leading either up to Canada or back down to La Push, he didn’t know. He didn’t get angry, he never yelled, the one thing he was good at, good at hiding and keeping from everyone, was his anger and his sadness.

Depression ran in his family, he watched his father take pills every morning like clockwork, watched Leah fall deeper and deeper into herself, watched Rose tried to end it all. He stopped sleeping when he was fourteen, sometime after his father’s funeral, sometime before Bella and Edward’s wedding, sometime in the hazy summer that he could barely remember.

“ _Seth, come back!_ ”

Seth had been the one to suggest that Rose talk to someone other than the mandated hospital therapist, as it was obvious they weren’t helping. He had asked Carlisle if he could help and told him to bring her to Rosalie.

Rosalie had a medical degree, two psychology degrees, and had taken to Rose better than Seth or anyone thought.

“ _Seth!_ ”

Seth turned around and started running again, his head was still swimming, drowning really. He was never really good at swimming, when he was a kid, he had almost drowned when Leah pushed him off of their dad’s boat.

“ _I’ve known Cali since she was born, and I’ve never seen her as scared as when she said ‘forever’ to you, Seth. She’s still struggling with Connor’s death, and Chris has thrown her life out of proportion._ ”

He knew that Jacob was right, he had seen how shocked she was as the word slipped out of her mouth. Forever was a weighted word, but that was what the imprint was.

“ _We slept together, Jacob,_ ” Seth told him, thinking of how both meanings of the word were true in this situation. “ _For the first time in months, I slept for longer than three hours without passing out. I don’t know how or why, but she calmed my brain enough for that to happen._ ”

“ _So tell her._ ”

Seth slowed down, his running slowing to a walk until he stopped outside of a clearing. Just beyond the trees, he could see Jacob waiting for him, the others were nowhere in sight. The Pack mind was quiet except for the two of them, Seth stepped forward into the open space.

“ _I don’t know how._ ”

“ _Look, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from your sister, it’s that you need to communicate,_ ” said Jacob, and not for the first time since Seth phased he looked up at Jacob. “ _You need to talk to Cali on her terms. She doesn’t know about this, she doesn’t have anyone to explain this to her other than you. Seth, you have to talk to her, apologize first though._ ”

“ _I shouldn’t have to apologize to her,_ ” Seth argued, seeing a brief flash of red behind his eyes. “ _She told me that I’m not what she needs. I_ imprinted _on her, Jake!_ ”

“ _That doesn’t mean you have to force her to love you Seth,_ ” said Jacob, more calm than Seth would’ve ever expected from him. “ _It has to be her decision._ ”

“ _What if she chooses not to love me? Not to want this?_ ” asked Seth, seeing Cali as he had just before he ran out of Sam and Emily’s house. She had been crying, the emotion thick in her throat and in her voice. “ _I don’t think I could come back from it like you._ ”

“ _I don’t think she will,_ ” said Jacob, showing Seth the last thing he saw before he came after Seth. Cali was sitting on the steps, holding Chris and staring out at the tree line, where Seth had disappeared into. “ _She told me everything that happened while we calmed down the babies. She’s just scared that you’ll disappear on her… like Connor._ ”

Seth nodded and ran back to Sam and Emily’s house, letting Jacob’s advice fill his head.

~`~

Love is understanding.

It’s listening, learning, communicating. Slow work, but work all the same.

It takes time, lots of time.

~`~

Cali watched as the wolf appeared.

She had never seen a real wolf before, just the boys that turned into wolves. The one in front of her was large, with light brown hair and large paws. She held Chris closer to her chest as the wolf came out of the trees and stepped up to her.

The wolf sat down at the bottom of the steps and rested its chin on the bottom step, looking up at her with Seth’s eyes.

“Seth,” whispered Cali, meeting his eyes and reaching out for him.

The wolf blinked up at her and let out a small yawn, but his tail was wagging. Cali reached out and carefully put her hand into his fur, it was thick and soft and warm to the touch.

“Seth I don’t know how to explain this,” said Cali as she moved down the steps and let him rest his head in her lap. She moved her hand down his neck and back up to his head, she pulled on his ears and rubbed down the length of his nose, getting a little sigh. “But I’m afraid of this, I don’t care if I get hurt, but I can’t let anyone hurt Chris. If you’re in my life, then you’ll be in his life. I can’t consciously tie you down before we even graduate school.”

The wolf let out a huffy whine.

“Seth we’re seventeen and I have a kid, if it was just me, if I didn’t have Chris, then I think I would have an easier time accepting this,” Cali told him, as the wolf closed his eyes and she stroked his head. “I like you though, you’re really nice to me and Chris seems to like you, but he doesn’t really know better. I get that this is supposed to be a huge life changing thing, but I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

The wolf sighed and opened his eyes to look at her. She could see the sadness in his eyes and she felt her own heart break.

“We can still hang out after work, but I think that we need to be realistic,” said Cali as she patted his head. “I want us to work out, to at least be friends, but I don’t think that we’re ready to put all of us into this.”

The wolf whined and Cali sighed, she tucked Chris into her shirt and zipped up her hoodie, before getting to her feet. She looked at the wolf, into his eyes as he stood taller than her. She turned to the road and started walking, telling herself not to turn around.

“Cali!”

She ducked her head and slowed down as she heard him running behind her.

“Cali,” he said, stopping in front of her and putting his hands on her shoulders. “Cali I don’t want to be just friends. I know that isn’t what you’re asking of me, but I like you because you’re smart and funny and really sweet. I wished that I noticed you before I imprinted on you, and I don’t want to seem too pushy, but I think that I can be the person you need and want to be for you and Chris.”

Cali looked up at him, he looked so sad, so upset. She had thrown him into an emotional turmoil, but she needed someone who wasn’t just good for her, but also for Chris.

The problem was, she liked Seth, and he made her feel safe for the first time since Connor died.

“This is going to be really slow,” Cali told him, as she felt Chris move against her chest and reach for her hair. “I know we had sex the other night, but that won’t be happening again for a long time.”

“That doesn’t bother me, Cali,” said Seth, and Cali nodded. “You call all the shots.”

Cali felt herself smile and took a step forward, putting a hand on his face and letting him lean down to kiss her.

“Can you go put on some pants and walk me home?”

~`~

Love is slow going.

Baby steps, little by little, building trust and building a relationship. Slow, slow, slow, soft and easy and falling a little more with each baby step, each moment, each day. It’s sweet and slow and everything.

~`~

Seth closed his eyes as Cali kissed him, her lips were soft and timid against his own. Every hug, every touch, every kiss was given to him little by little. Every day was given to him on a minute to minute consideration.

“Hey,” she whispered as she leaned back onto her heels and off of her tippytoes. “Ready for a doctor’s appointment?”

Seth smiled as Cali patted her hoodie and he saw the top of Chris’ head poking out. His hair was starting to get pretty long, longer than any of the other baby’s hair.

“I went and stole Leah’s car seat and everything,” Seth told her with a smile as he slipped on his sandals and grabbed a flannel off the coatrack by the front door. He took Cali’s hand as they walked over to his jeep.

“You’ll give it back right?” asked Cali as she took Chris out of her shirt and handed him over to Seth. “I don’t want to get into trouble with your sister.”

“You won’t,” said Seth as he placed Chris carefully into the car seat and strapped him in, while Cali climbed into the passenger seat. “Hey, you drive today.”

“I haven’t driven since I got my license Seth,” said Cali, but as soon as he was sure that Chris was strapped in properly, he opened the passenger door and waited for Cali to climb out.

“We talked about this Cali,” he told her, as she sighed and climbed out of her seat. Seth handed her the keys and leaned down, kissing her forehead. “I’ll be right beside you, the second something goes wrong we’ll pull over and I’ll drive. We’ll be fine, we’re just going to the hospital."

Cali rolled her eyes and took the keys, running around to the driver’s side of the jeep and climbing in. It took her a few moments to adjust her seat and mirrors, before she turned around and looked at Chris.

“I promise to get you there in one piece baby boy,” she told him, reaching back and squeezing Chris’ foot that was sticking out from under the flannel shirt Seth had draped over him. “Even if mama is a horrible driver.”

It turned out that Cali wasn’t a horrible driver, she was just an _overly cautious_ driver. The trip to the hospital, which normally would’ve taken them _twenty_ minutes at the most, took them almost _forty_ minutes. Cali drove twenty miles under the speed limit and two full car lengths behind every car that passed them.

“Well we’re not late,” said Seth as he turned around and unbuckled Chris. “But we’re not early like you wanted to be.”

“My mom never gets us on time,” said Cali as she climbed out of her seat and walked around to take Chris from him. Seth watched as she tucked Chris back into her shirt and zipped her hoodie up enough to cover his head.

The hospital was quiet like every time that Seth came around, the only time he had ever seen the ER busy was when they had brought Rose in after her overdose. She had taken a collection of the old pills they had in their medicine cabinet, some of their dad’s old heart medication, and the sleep pills Seth was supposed to use but never did, and whatever mix of pain medication they had in there. He had heard Leah’s screams as if she had howled.

“Dr. Aberty is used to us being late every week anyways,” finished Cali as they walked up to the check in desk. Cali was recognized immediately and Seth let her take the reign, taking a step back.

“The doctor will meet you in room four, that’s just down the hall and to the left,” said the attendant and Cali smiled at her before taking Seth’s hand and leading them down the hall.

Cali climbed up onto the examination table and took Chris out of her shirt and cradled him in her arms. Seth sat down in one of the seats by the door and put on his flannel, watching as Chris started reaching for Cali’s hair.

“Hello,” said Carlisle Cullen as he walked into the small exam room and right up to Cali. “I’m Dr. Cullen, Dr. Aberty had a personal emergency and asked for me to fill in for him today. I hope that you don’t mind.”

“Oh,” said Cali, glancing down at Chris then at Seth, before looking up at Carlisle. “Is everything okay, should we reschedule?”

“If you would like to, but I’ve been well informed on both you and your son’s medical history,” said Carlisle, tapping his clipboard. “I don’t know how long Dr. Aberty will be away though.”

Cali nodded and looked back down at Chris, before letting out a sigh.

“He hasn’t liked getting any of his vaccines,” said Cali, as she sat Chris up in her arms, “and he doesn’t like cold hands either, just so you know.”

Carlisle smiled, and nodded before walking over to the small handwashing station. “I will have to apologize then, for some reason I can’t keep my hands warm for the life of me.”

Unlike the rest of his Pack brothers, Seth had no problem with any of the Cullens, they were all nice to him. They were helping Rose, and Rosalie had helped him fix up his jeep after he bought it.

It surprised him how nervous Cali seemed to be around Carlisle, even though Chris didn’t seem to mind.

“I saw that Christopher has gotten two out of five of his vaccinations for his age, I would like to give him his other three,” said Carlisle and Cali nodded as Carlisle handed her back Chris.

“He started freaking out last time,” said Cali, biting her lip as she ran her fingers through Chris’ hair. “I couldn’t bring myself to make him do anymore with him in pain.”

“I understand,” said Carlisle, with a small smile, “my granddaughter hated getting her vaccines also. I was sure that my son was going to rip me apart for making her cry.”

“Cali if you need me to hold him while he gets his shots I will,” Seth told her, speaking for the first time since they entered the hospital. Cali looked at him, and so did Carlisle, giving him the impression that he just noticed Seth for the first time.

Cali nodded and Seth stood up, taking Chris from her and holding him carefully in his arms. Over the last few weeks, while he and Cali had been figuring out how to be together, Seth was beginning to feel as if he was getting along with Chris. At the very least, Chris seemed to be recognizing his voice as well as he did Cali’s or her parents voices.

The first shot went well, and with the second shot, it became clear that both Cali and Chris were uncomfortable. The pair of them quickly started to become unhinged.

“Shh,” whispered Seth as he rubbed Chris’ back and bounced him in his arms. Cali sat in the chair that Seth had been sitting in, her face in her hands. He had seen her tired and upset, but this was different, she was shaking in her seat as Chris cried.

“This is the last one,” said Carlisle and Cali got up to her feet.

“No,” said Cali putting herself between Carlisle and Chris. “It can wait until next week.”

“Miss Ateara,” said Carlisle calmly, and Seth already knew that they were going to have trouble. “If Chris doesn’t get this last vaccination, then he’ll be behind on his schedule.”

“Just give him a few minutes,” bit back Cali, sounding just like Leah, she sounded like a wolf, ready to kill for her son. “He’s still upset.”

“Cali,” said Seth softly, putting a hand on Cali’s shoulder, “it’s okay, I got him, Chris is fine.”

Cali turned her head and looked at Seth, she looked at Chris who was in his arms and quiet. She was biting her lip and her eyes were still glassy with tears.

“I don’t like to hear him scream,” she whispered, turning back to Carlisle, “is there any other way?”

“It’s the last one,” Carlisle told her as he walked around her and administered the last shot, causing Chris to start screaming again.

Seth let her take back Chris, hurriedly rocking him in her arms. She had tears in her own eyes as she tried to comfort Chris. “It’s okay,” Seth told her as she started humming to Chris and rubbing his back.

~`~

Love is unexplainable.

~`~

Cali smiled as she pushed herself off of Seth’s chest and buttoned up his flannel shirt. She picked up her underwear from off the floor and pulled it on as she headed into the kitchen. She liked the Clearwater’s kitchen more than the one at her house, Seth kept it well stocked and he gave her free range to make what she wanted.

She opened the oven and peeked inside at the meatballs she had put in there before she let them get distracted.

“I have to go get Rose and take her to Emily’s,” said Seth as he walked into the kitchen, in his shorts and sandals with Chris in his arms. “I’ll be back soon.”

“I have to get the potatoes started anyways,” Cali told him, as she took Chris from him and held him against her chest. Seth leaned down and kissed her before grabbing his keys and walking out the backdoor, whistling to himself.

Cali grabbed a clean dry towel and placed it in the sink and put Chris in there. She turned on the little radio over the sink and started singing along and dancing to the music as she peeled potatoes, getting happy little shirks and giggles and claps from Chris.

“You like watching mama be silly?” Cali asked Chris, as she reached forward and lowered the volume for the commercials.

Chris gave her a gummy smile and giggled again. Cali leaned down and kissed his forward and blew a raspberry into his chubby neck.

“You are such a good baby,” she told him, as she put the pot of potatoes on the stove.

Chris held his arms out to her as Cali started trimming the grocery bag full of green beans that Sam had delivered to her the other day. She knew that Seth could eat the whole bag _and_ the dinner she was making _and_ still be hungry. She didn’t know anyone who could eat like him, she didn’t even eat as much as he did when she was pregnant.

“Ahh-ba,” said Chris, waving his tiny hands and reaching for her. Cali smiled and handed him the plastic measuring spoons she started keeping with her just for the purpose of keeping Chris entertained.

“ _Baby boy, baby boy_ ,” Cali sang to him as she worked. Chris looked up from the colorful spoons and stared at her, grabbing at his feet to try and put them in his mouth. “ _Don’t put those piggy’s in your mouth_.”

Chris giggled and Cali could swear that it sounded more musical than what she was singing.

“Okay, baby boy,” said Cali, picking him up and walking over to the kitchen table. Unlike her own home, the Clearwater’s had a proper kitchen table, it was a large round table with six chairs and plenty of room. She sat down in one of the chairs, kicked up her feet, and unbuttoned her shirt to let Chris feed.

“Does he need to be burped?” asked Seth as he walked in the door, dropping his keys in the little dish on the kitchen counter that he kept spare change in.

“Not yet,” she told him, as she rubbed Chris’ back. “But can you check the potatoes? See if they’re soft?”

Seth did as she asked, then sat down in the chair beside her and pulled her feet into his lap. Cali smiled at him as he moved his hands up her ankles and over her legs.

“They need a few more minutes,” he told her and Cali nodded.

“Thank you for helping out at the hospital,” said Cali, looking down at Chris. “I hate hearing him scream over something that I can’t help him with.”

“I think you freaked out Carlisle a little too,” said Seth with a smile as Cali handed him Chris. It was starting to become routine, she fed Chris and Seth burped him.

“You mean the doctor?” asked Cali as she walked over to the stove, she checked on the potatoes and got a pan out to make the green beans.

“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” said Seth, and Cali nodded, thankful that her back was to him as she stood at the stove. “He wants what’s best for everyone.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Cali, biting her lip and keeping her back to him. She was happy that Chris got his vaccines, but she hadn’t liked how aggressive the situation got. Even though she knew that she was the one who was having the problems.

“So what exactly are we eating?” asked Seth, as he bounced Chris in his arms and leaned up against the counter beside the stove.

“Porcupine meatballs with mashed potatoes and garlicky green beans,” Cali told him as she pulled the meatballs out of the oven. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

Seth smiled down at her and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Haven’t had anything sent back yet, Chef Ateara.”

~`~

Love is food.

It comes to his attention early on that food is a language of love. His mother always knew when something was wrong, she made mac and cheese when things fell apart, she made oatmeal cookies when things got worse.

After he phased, they always had cookies.

Cali makes food as a sign of love. She makes her favorites and passes them over to him. She makes him breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and she makes chocolate chip cookies. His house always has chocolate chip cookies.

Food is love.

~`~

Seth ran over to the driver’s side door of the jeep as Cali pulled into the driveway. He opened the door for her before she had even properly shut off the engine.

“Seth!” yelled Cali, with a little laugh as he climbed up into the door and kissed her. “Let me get out first.”

Seth smiled to himself and ran around to the other door to help Rose out. He grabbed the pair of crutches and the diaper bag, carrying them and Rose up to the house. He could hear Cali following behind with Chris.

He had finally broken down and bought a car seat for him, using the tips he got from working at the diner.

“How did it go today?” asked Seth as he put Rose down in one of the kitchen chairs. He leaned her crutches against the chair beside her and the diaper bag on the table.

“I found out where the cookies were going,” said Cali as she opened the diaper bag and pulled out a gallon zip-lock of chocolate chip cookies. “Apparently Nessa likes them also.”

“Who doesn’t like cookies?” asked Seth as he sat down beside Rose and pulled her feet up into his lap. Cali rolled her eyes and handed him the bag of cookies and Chris, before wandering over to the fridge.

“Jacob and Leah are coming over,” Seth told her as she pulled out the few pounds of hamburger that he bought from the diner. “Their bringing over Max.”

“We’re making tacos then,” said Cali as she started doing what she did best, making herself at home at the stove top, in the kitchen.

Seth couldn’t complain, he barely knew how to cook, he could make cereal and scrambled eggs and boxed mac and cheese. Leah knew how to cook, how to make things though Jacob seemed to be the one to take the lead in their home. Rose used to sit in the kitchen after her dance class and watch and learn and help, but since their dad died, she barely went into the kitchen.

Cali didn’t let them just sit and watch, she put them to work; Rose grated cheese and cut up lettuce and tomatoes, and she made guacamole; Seth kept Chris entertained, he set the table for five, and heated up tortilla shells when Cali took Chris from him to nurse.

“Come in!” called Rose when they heard someone knock on the back door. Seth rolled his eyes, six months ago, Leah still lived with them, she didn’t need to knock.

“I brought salsa and chips,” said Jacob as he walked into the kitchen, putting the bags on Rose’s lap, before going to Cali and kissing her cheek. Max was asleep in a sling on his chest, and he pulled him out and handed him off to Rose, taking the chips and salsa from her.

“Where’s Leah?” asked Rose as she held Max carefully to her chest and smiled down at him.

Seth turned back to the stove, and finished warming up the tortillas while Jacob made himself comfortable at the table. He already knew that Leah was taking her time walking along the beach, taking a bit of time to herself away from Jacob and Max.

“She’ll be along,” said Jacob and Seth smiled to himself. Rose was his sister, they had lived together since she came home one day with Leah and their dad, but she had missed the first nine years of their family. It had been so easy to let her join their family, but it was obvious that she still missed a few things.

“We will wait,” said Cali as Chris pulled away from her breast and burped loudly. “Woah, baby boy…don’t spit up on mama.”

“Did you grab the hot sauce?” asked Rose turning to Seth and smiling wide at him.

It had been so long since Seth had seen her so happy, had seen her even smile like this. Rose happy, seeing her joke and smile and laugh, it was such a strange and weird thing. She had fallen so deep into herself after their dad died, she had fallen and fallen and fallen, but now the light was obvious.

“I’ll get it,” Seth told her, grabbing the hot sauce and carrying the large plate of tortillas to the table.

He sat down beside Cali and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, as the back door opened again and Leah walked in. She sat down in the open seat beside Jacob and reached for the tortillas. “It’s going to rain,” she said, as they all got started.

“It always rains here,” said Rose with a smile as she passed on Max to Leah so she could make herself a plate.

Seth took Chris from Cali to let her make herself something to eat, it was an unspoken rule in the Pack to let the imprintees eat first. It was a rule that had been around longer than Seth had been in the Pack and would be around long after.

“This is great Cal,” Seth whispered to Cali, after taking his first bite. She had made it her personal mission to make him slow down and actually taste what he was eating, at least for the first few bites.

~`~

Love is burning.

Bright, hot, electric heat. Pain that ripples through her body, pain that makes everything white and clear and unamiable. It brings everything into perspective.

She wakes up.

~`~

“Thanks for making cookies,” said Seth as they walked up the backside of the cliff. He was carrying the overflowing bag of cookies she made, along with the two full grocery bags of hotdogs and buns, and the diaper bag that she had packed up for Chris.

Cali just had Chris in her shirt, and Seth was still a few lengths ahead of her.

“You helped,” Cali reminded him, as they came up to the clifftop meeting place. Cali had been to the Council meetings plenty of times, but she hadn’t been to one since Connor died.

“About time!” yelled Paul as they came closer, the fire was incredibly high and Cali could feel the heat radiating off of it from twenty feet away.

“Paul!” said Rachel annoyed as she rocked one of her babies in her arms. “Don’t be rude.”

Cali smiled and took the bags from Seth as he went over to talk to Paul, she walked over to the table that someone had set up and added her food to the piles.

“Oh,” said Emily, as Cali started unloading her bags, “you made cookies.”

“There’s something for everyone,” Cali told her, pulling out the different zip-lock bags, “I made oatmeal, chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, and peanut butter. Was even able to get Seth to help and not eat all the cookie dough.”

“I’m more impressed by that, than the actually cookies,” said Emily with a smile, and Cali laughed as she felt Chris move under her shirt.

“Hey there,” said Cali as she pulled Chris out of her shirt and held him against her chest. “Are you awake now?”

Chris nuzzled against her shoulder and neck and made a small whining noise.

“Do you want to sit?” asked Emily, already getting out of her seat. “I was just resting my feet for a minute.”

“Oh, I’m good,” said Cali, waving her off with her free hand. “Do you see Seth though? He has my diaper bag.”

“He’s over by Quil, Jared, and Collin,” said Rachel as she sat on the arm of Emily’s chair, now baby-less. She looked both tired and annoyed as she looked over at the fire, where Sam and Paul stood staring at the flames.

Cali glanced around, finding Seth about ten feet from the fire, talking to Quil and Collin. Jared was heading over to her, with Kim under one arm smiling at her.

“Now this is the reason why I came,” said Kim as Cali stopped for Kim to see Chris. Cali loved Kim, they used to find each other at parties, before Connor died and before she started dating Jared. “Can I take him?”

Cali gave Chris over to Kim and smiled as Chris snuggled into her shoulder.

“Such a good boy,” said Kim as she rocked Chris in her arms. “Karson is such a dumbass.”

“It is what it is,” Cali told her, as she reached forward and rubbed Chris’ back. “Karson doesn’t want anything to do with me, which means that he doesn’t want anything to do with Chris. Seth wants to be there for Chris anyways.”

Kim nodded and sighed, “well if you need anything, I still want to be a part of Chris’ life. I just can’t believe that the youngest of us all was the first to have a baby.”

Cali rolled her eyes and smiled, as Chris started whining again. “Can you take him back over to Emily? I just need to grab my diaper bag from Seth.”

“Yeah, the ducks are really cute too,” said Kim, shooting Cali one last smile before she pulled on Jared’s hand and lead them back over to the food table.

Cali walked the rest of the way over to Seth, feeling her shoulders get tight with every step. Quil was her cousin, and they always got along pretty well, even if he had been closer to Connor.

Collin, on the other hand, had bullied her all throughout school, ever since they had met he had a personal vendetta against her. He was always rude to her, always mean, after Connor died, he became even worse. She didn’t know if it was because she was better at school than him, or if it was because she had liked to party and was always invited out, or if it was because she was just the ‘Diner Girl’ as he always called her.

“Oh look who decided to show up,” sneered Collin, glaring at Cali as she walked up to the three of them. “The Diner Girl come to show off.”

Cali turned away from him and smiled at Quil, before looking at Seth. “Chris is starting to get fussy,” she told him, quietly, putting her hand on the diaper bag.

“Hey,” said Collin, and Cali felt Seth put his hand on her shoulder and move so he was between them. “Don’t ignore me!”

“Leave her alone Littlesea,” growled Seth, pushing Cali farther behind him.

Cali closed her eyes and looped her fingers through the belt loops on Seth’s shorts. _This_ was why she told Seth that she wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to get between him and his Pack brothers, she didn’t want to pull him into the drama of her life.

Even if the last few weeks had been perfect with him, even if Chris adored him, even if her own parents left her alone as long as she was with him. Seth made everything better, but he didn’t deserve this.

“Shut up Clearwater!” barked Collin, and Cali heard Seth growl. “I can’t believe you fell for a stupid bitch like her anyways.”

Cali felt herself get thrown through the air as Seth phased in front of her. She felt heat on her left side, head, and…and pain. She could hear someone screaming over the crackling of the fire, over the wolves howling and growling.

~`~

Love is Chris.

~`~

“How could you let this happen? We put her in your care and now she is burned! Now she is scared and hurt and in the hospital!” screamed Mr. Ateara, as he paced in front of Seth. He couldn’t look up at him, couldn’t make herself look at him, could barely make himself breath.

His Cali, his imprint, _his_ Cali was hurt. He had lost his temper, he had phased and thrown her back into the fire.

“Leave him alone!” yelled Leah, and Seth took in one gasping breath. He felt numb, it was like when his dad died all over again, there was a hole ripped open in his heart.

“Ever since Connor died,” grumbled Mr. Ateara, still pacing and not looking at Seth or Leah. “She has been causing trouble worse than he ever did.”

“Where is Christopher?” asked Mrs. Ateara, speaking for the first time since they walked into the hospital.

“Jared and Kim had him last,” answered Sam, from Leah’s other side. “They took him back to ours with Emily.”

Seth breathed in again, feeling his lungs protest at the feel of air. He knew that Rachel and Kim and Rose all wanted to drown once, Rachel and Kim had made jokes about it, but Rose had come closest. Seth could feel a wave of water looming high over him, he could feel the air growing drier, he could feel the presence of danger.

_He_ had thrown her, _he_ had caused her this pain.

“Mr. and Mrs. Ateara,” said Carlisle, seeming to appear out of thin air, Seth looked up from his hands, eyeing the doctor. “I’m Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I want to let you know that Caitlyn will be fine.”

Mr. Ateara stopped in his pacing and turned to look at Carlisle, while Mrs. Ateara got to her feet and went to her husband, taking his hand. Seth stared pass them to Carlisle, keeping his eyes on the gold irises.

“She had several skin grafts and will be with us for a few days while she recovers,” Carlisle told them, and Seth took in another breath. “She’s in a medical coma for now, but if you would like to come see her, I can take you back right now,”

He stood up without thinking, and felt Leah grab his wrist, pulling him back down before Mr. and Mrs. Ateara could see him. “Sit down,” hissed Leah, keeping her hand on his wrist as he sat down. “The leech will let you see her after them.”

“Don’t call him that,” Seth told her, pulling his arm away from her. He needed to see Cali, see that she was okay, see that she was still breathing.

“Seth,” said Sam quietly, and Seth turned to look at him more out of habit than the need to listen to his former Alpha. “This wasn’t your fault, don’t blame yourself.”

“I was the on-“

“It was an accident,” said Sam, his voice dropping an octave, “Quil told me what Collin had said. He showed me what happened…you were defending her like you should’ve.”

Seth turned back to his hands, feeling himself grow cold for the first time since he phased. He had hurt Cali just like how Sam had hurt Emily, Cali was always going to have the reminder of how much Seth had hurt her.

“At least you were defending her,” whispered Sam, before he suddenly stood up. “You have nothing to be ashamed of Seth, unlike me.”

Seth didn’t look up, he couldn’t bring himself to look at Sam and see his pity. He heard a door open and close at the end of the hall, suddenly the waiting room was even quieter, the air was heavier as they dropped numbers.

“I need to call Jacob and Rose,” said Leah, and Seth pulled his face out of his hands just enough to look at her. “They’re together, I’ll be right back.”

Seth watched her walk away, it was still so weird to him to see her so…so maternal. Leah was a lot of things, brave and smart and funny and beautiful, but she wasn’t maternal, she wasn’t caring and kind, she had been hurt for so long. Seth put his face back into his hands as soon as Leah disappeared around the corner, he wished that she had been like this after their dad died, after Rose tried to kill herself. She had let herself fall into having a baby, fall into becoming a mother and living with Jacob and leaving him behind.

Leaving Rose when she needed Leah most.

“Seth,” said a calm voice, and he looked up to see Carlisle again. “She’ll make a full recovery, she’ll be okay.”

Seth stared at him, at his gold eyes, his face calm and sincere. He had seen the doctor stressed and worried before, but to see him be so calm made his skin crawl.

“Can I see her? I need to see her Carlisle,” Seth told him, looking away from him. “This was all my fault.”

“I can bring you in once her parents leave,” said Carlisle, glancing over his shoulder. “I don’t have to be Edward to know that they’re upset with you. It would probably be best for you to leav-“

“No,” said Leah, as she came back around the corner, she eyed Carlisle and gave him a wide circle. “We’re not leaving, Cali is family.”

Carlisle looked at her and so did Seth, he suddenly felt the need to have Rose here, sitting beside him and sleeping on his shoulder. It had been the three of them verse the world for so long, now it was just him.

“I understand,” said Carlisle, nodding to Leah as she sat back down beside Seth. “I will come get you when the Ateara’s leave.”

He turned around and left them, and Seth felt Leah lace her fingers through his. “Rose is on her way,” said Leah, as she squeezed Seth’s hand. “Brady is bringing her.”

“Is that what Jacob told you?”

“Yeah, they should be here any second,” said Leah, as the automatic doors opened and they heard Rose come in on her crutches.

“Seth you better not be crying!” yelled Rose, as she came around the corner, she had Chris strapped to her chest in the sling Jacob always used, and the duckie diaper bag on her shoulder.

Leah went to her side immediately, taking Chris and the diaper bag from her before Rose sat down on Seth’s other side. “He wouldn’t stop crying for Emily, so I brought him along.”

Seth took Chris from Leah and held him, his face was red and angry, but as he looked up at Seth, the angry red of his face slowly disappeared. Seth bounced him in his arms, Chris wasn’t his biologically, but unlike Karson who was his father, Seth cared and loved him as if he was his son.

“Hey baby boy, mama will be okay,” Seth whispered to him, as he softly ran his thumb through his hair.

~`~

Love is listening.

It’s opening up, starting a conversation, letting the truth out. The truth is what hurts, it’s unbearable, unnerving. Love isn’t dishonesty, it’s the truth, plain and simple.

Love isn’t what they are made of, love is for those who want for more, who understand and talk and listen. Listening is love.

~`~

Cali opened her eyes.

Everything was bright around her, white and painful and unnatural. It reminded her of being back in the Cullen’s house. She didn’t know how Rose could manage being there, it hadn’t been warm and soft like she had come accustom to at the Clearwater house.

“Cali?”

It wasn’t the voice she had been expecting, hoping to hear. She tried to lift her head, but everything felt heavy and stiff, her left arm, her leg, her whole left side of her body hurt.

“Mom?” said Cali, her throat felt raw and wounded, worse than after she was in labor with Chris.

“Oh sweetheart, we were so worried,” whispered her mother, and Cali turned her head just enough to look at her mother, at her parents. Her father was red faced, angry, he had been in mid-pace, just like when he found out about Connor.

“Cali,” said her father softly, softer than he ever was with her. “How do you feel?”

It was the complete opposite of when she had Chris. When she had told them that she was pregnant, when they had pulled her out of school, when she had him, her father had never been so calm, so sweet.

“You don’t care,” Cali told him, knowing in her heart that this was the truth. “You never cared.”

“That’s not true,” he said and Cali looked away from him. “When you got pregnant, I was angry because you knew better. This wasn’t your fault Cali, it was that stupid boy we hired t-“

“Seth was defending me, dad,” said Cali, remembering how he held her wrist, how he kept himself in between her and Collin. “I probably would’ve ended up worse without him there.”

“Caitlyn, Sammy told us what happened,” said her mother, and Cali pulled her hand away as she reached for her. “He told us that he knocked you back into the fire.”

Cali pulled her arm into herself and felt tears well up in her eyes. Her whole body felt both too hot and too cold, too heavy and too stiff and too much. It was all too much.

“Where’s Chris mom?” asked Cali, looking away from them completely, she just wanted her baby. She wanted to feel the weight of him on her stomach, on her chest, she wanted to kiss him and hold him, wanted him with her.

“With Emily, or Quil I think,” said her mother, touching the rail of her hospital bed. “I don’t remember but I’ll find out if you need me too.”

Cali wanted to scream, how could they not know anything? She was vaguely aware that she had handed off Chris to Kim at the bonfire. But her parents didn’t know Kim or Jared, nor did they know Rachel or Paul or even Jacob and Embry very well. She was sure that her mom had just picked out two names that she knew would’ve been at the bonfire.

“ _Yes_ , I would like for you to find out,” Cali told her, feeling the dryness in her throat. “He’s my _son_ , he should be with me!”

“Caitlyn Maria Ateara!” snapped her father, not that it honestly affected her anymore, her parents threw around her name like it meant something to her. “You are in the hospital with severe burns, he will be fine without you!”

“No,” said Cali, turning back to him. “He needs me! He needs me like how Connor needed you! But you gave up on him like you’ve given up on me! I’m not going to do that to my baby!”

Cali didn’t realize she was actually crying until she felt the tears on her dry, dry skin. How could her parents not realize how much Chris needed her? She was his mother, he had no one else in the world except for her.

“We didn’t give up on Connor, he gave up on us Caitlyn,” her mother said quietly, reaching for Cali’s hand again. “He wanted to leave us, turn his back on our family, on our Tribe. He wanted to get away from all of us Caitlyn.”

Cali closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“The night Connor died, we got into a horrible fight,” began her father, and Cali squeezed her eyes shut. “It was a silly disagreement, but we both got a little worked up about it. He left to go blow off steam, but he took a bag with him, I had been sure that we wouldn’t see him again. Cali…it broke my heart to think that he would leave us, leave you.”

Cali wished that she could stop breathing, that she could actually force herself to stop breathing, to stop hearing what her father was telling her.

“I didn’t want to go to Forks that night, but Billy and Harry asked for a hand,” went on her father, and Cali took in a gasping breath. “The news came over the radio right after Sam and the kids left. If that girl hadn’t gone missing, I’m sure he would’ve gotten pulled over before he crashed. I told myself that over and over again, I tried to blame it on everyone except for myself. I let you down Caitlyn, you didn’t deserve to feel unwanted and unloved, I should’ve never made you or Connor feel that way. It’s my fault Connor died, it’s my fault you got pregnant.”

“No” gasped out Cali, opening her eyes and looking at her parents, they could claim Connor’s death, but not Chris. He was hers, all hers and no one else. “Chris is _mine_.”

“You wouldn’t have gone looking for other types of comfort if it wasn’t for me, Caitlyn.”

“That’s not true,” whispered Cali, looking from her mother to her father, keeping her eyes locked with his. They both had brown eyes, her mother’s darker like Connor’s, but her fathers were lighter, closer to hazel, closer to hers.

“Caitlyn,” said her mother, softer than Cali had ever heard in her life. “We pushed you away when we should’ve kept you closer. We knew that you were sneaking out and leaving, we knew that you were going to parties and coming home drunk, we just didn’t know that you were giving yourself away.”

“I thought that I loved him,” whispered Cali, thinking of Karson and the smile he shared with Chris. “I thought that he was what I needed and what I wanted.”

“But it’s Seth.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a full statement, something that her mother didn’t usual hand out. Cali’s mother was many things, but being a direct and straight to the point person wasn’t really one of those things.

“He loves Chris, and he loves me,” Cali told them, taking her eyes off of them and looking up at the ceiling. “I love him like I’ve never loved anyone before.”

“Then we’ll leave so you can have him,” said her father, helping her mother to her feet and leading her out the door.

It was a start to mending their relationship.

~`~

Love is beauty.

Gentle and soft and sweet, the curves of her body, her smile, her bright eyes. Love is beautiful in every aspect of the word. It’s put in songs, it’s in books and stories, it seen in movies and plays and our lives.

Beauty, is her, even with the burning scars, even with the pain. She is beauty and love and joy, his everything. She is like the moon, changing and changing and changing, becoming more with each passing day.

She is beauty, she is love, beauty is love.

~`~

Seth looked down, he just wanted to put his face into his hands and wallow, but Chris was asleep against his chest. He had finally fallen asleep after a bottle that Rose got Carlisle to warm up for her.

Seth couldn’t let him go, even though he could tell that Rose wanted to hold him and Leah was starting to get angsty without seeing Max for so long.

He looked up at the sound of heavy footsteps, expecting Carlisle, but instead seeing Cali’s parents. “Your still here,” said Mr. Ateara, staring him down, Mr. Ateara was a tall man, but he wasn’t as tall as Seth.

“Is she okay?” Seth asked, as Carlisle appeared behind the Ateara’s.

“She’ll be okay, Seth,” said Mrs. Ateara, looking at Chris in his arms.

“She was asking for you,” said Mr. Ateara, as he took his wife’s hand. “And Christopher.”

“Thank you,” said Seth quietly, not wanting to be rude, even though he was still angry about what they said to him. He was sure that they blamed him for Chris, seeing how relaxed he was in his arms.

Mr. Ateara nodded and they left, walking out the doors of the ER. Seth sighed and looked back down at Chris. He didn’t know if he had a job anymore, but Jacob would take him in at the garage or Quil’s mom always needed help around the shop. Even Sam, Paul, and Jared would take his help.

But it would also mean that he wouldn’t be around Cali as much. He couldn’t begin to think about not being around Cali.

“Seth,” said Carlisle quietly, keeping his distance as both Leah and Rose looked up at him, “she’s ready for you.”

The three of them followed Carlisle down a hallway and to Cali’s room. Seth put his hand on the handle, but couldn’t make himself open the door.

“Come on Seth,” said Leah, pushing his hand off the door knob and opening the door. Leah pushed pass him, and Rose followed in after her, Seth stood where he was. Chris felt heavy in his arm and against his chest, he had never felt this way before.

He wanted to sleep, wanted to curl up and sleep and not face the world.

Not face Cali knowing he was the reason she was here.

“Seth,” growled Leah, appearing in the doorway again, she reached out a hand for him. “Come on, Cali needs you.”

Seth stepped into the room, and looked at Cali, the fire had gotten a little bit of her face, but most of it had been her body. The whole left side of her body had been burned in the fire, the fire that never should’ve been that big, that hot.

She was still beautiful, even if half of her body was covered in white gauze and a good portion of her hair was missing. “Cali,” he whispered, stepping forward, he _needed_ her, seeing her wasn’t the same as touching her.

“Seth,” said Cali softly, reaching one hand out to him. Seth went to her side and took her hand, holding it in his own. She smiled up at him, and suddenly, it felt like they were the only two in the room.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. “I love you.”

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

Seth had been saying it in his head for the last few days, weeks, months since he imprinted. It had been almost three months, school would be starting soon. Though he couldn’t guarantee how often they would see each other then either.

“I do,” whispered Cali and Seth couldn’t help but smile at her. She was his moon, he knew that shouldn’t have had to remind himself of that fact, but he did anyways.

She was his moon, Chris was the stars, and he was the sun, they were all bright and luminous. Without thinking, he leaned down and kissed her, even as he felt Chris protest against the sudden movement.

“He’s missed you,” Seth told her when he pulled away, handing Chris to her to hold. Chris settled in Cali’s arms easily, familiarity taking over his senses. Seth knew it was ridiculous to think about, but they would blink one day and Chris would want nothing to do with them.

“I’ve missed my boys too,” said Cali, as she softly rubbed her knuckles up and down Chris’ spine. “Thank you for bringing him to me.”

“It was Rose,” said Seth, remembering that his sisters were with them. He looked around the room, but neither Leah nor Rose were with them anymore. He sighed as he realized what they had done, his sisters were sneakier than he thought.

“But you brought him to me,” said Cali, as Seth sat down in the chair beside her bed. “I know that he didn’t calm down until you held him. He’s going to think of you as his dad, you know that right?”

Seth nodded, because it was the truth, he loved Chris like how he loved Cali, fully and unconditionally.

“Yeah,” agreed Seth, reaching forward to hold the hand Cali had on Chris’ back. “He’s mine isn’t he?”

“He has your sense of humor, and your laugh,” said Cali, and Seth felt her run her bandaged fingers through his hair. “I already know he’ll have your ears and your messy hair.”

Seth closed his eyes as Cali continued petting him, feeling himself relax into her touch.

“I love you both,” he mumbled, as he felt himself drift off.

~`~

Love is healing.

Slowly mending, slowly coming back together, slowly figuring everything out. It’s fixing broken bones, broken skin, broken relationships, little by little, slowly and completely. Stories coming together, working together, falling back into each other, together again.

She mends and she heals.

~`~

Cali sighed as she pulled into a parking spot at the La Push high school. Seth sat beside her in the passenger seat, she had been able to avoid going to the school to pick up her books, Seth had volunteered to do that for both him and Rose. But now, it was her first day back in almost a year.

“You have every class with me or Rose, Cal,” said Seth, as they both stared at the entrance in front of them. “And we have lunch together.”

“I know,” said Cali nervously, turning to look at him fully, but also catching a glance at the car seat in the back seat. “Is it wrong that I miss him already?”

“He’ll be fine with Emily,” said Seth reassuringly, and she turned back to him as he squeezed her hand softly in his. “We can call at lunch too.”

Cali nodded and climbed out of the jeep carefully. Seth met her as she walked in the direction of the school, taking her hand in his as they headed in.

It felt weird to be back in school, she had grown pass worrying about failing her classes or who was dating who, she could only think about Chris as she took notes in class. The three classes that she had with Seth were easier to focus on than the two she had with Rose.

Rose wasn’t even trying to hide her distraction as she doodled and hummed to herself. Cali didn’t know much about dancing, even if she had been in school musicals before she had Chris. Both of them were a bit of a mess.

“I’m over this,” said Rose as the pair of them sat down together at an open table. Cali set down Rose’s tray of food, before turning to the lunch she packed in her backpack. “I don’t know what I was thinking coming back to school.”

“Seth and Brady give us everything,” Cali told her, as she pulled out her sandwich, “I think it’s the very least we can do. We both knew that this wasn’t going to be easy.”

“I just didn’t think it was going to be this bad,” said Rose, as she pushed her mac and cheese around her tray and sighed. “I mean even the food looks gross.”

Cali rolled her eyes and handed Rose the other half of her sandwich, already she was thinking about what she would pack for both of them tomorrow. “I have pasta salad too,” she said as she pulled out her Tupperware.

“Damn,” said Brady as he sat down beside Rose and looked at the food Cali brought. His tray was completely covered with food, not that Cali was surprised. “That looks good.”

“It’s my lunch for the week,” Cali told him, pointing her fork at him. “I didn’t even let Seth have any after I made it.”

“It’s really good,” said Rose as she took a bite and Cali smiled as Seth sat down in the seat beside her.

“It’s really easy to make too,” Cali told her, already putting a plan together for dinner. Seth had patrols later, but they would be able to have dinner together, along with Brady and Rose, possibly Leah and Jacob. “It’ll be better tomorrow though.”

Seth sat down beside her, a tray just as high as Brady’s in front of him. Cali smiled to herself as she felt Seth’s hand squeeze her knee before he started digging into his mountain of food.

“How’s it been so far?” asked Seth, and Cali heard Rose sigh.

“Cali and I have decided that we’re not meant for high school anymore,” said Rose, as she stabbed her fork into the Tupperware. “I’d rather be back at the Cullens house.”

Cali frowned, she wasn’t that desperate to be out of school, she just didn’t want to be around a bunch of kids who didn’t understand what she was going through. She was a mother, not a dumb high schooler who was worried about getting a prom date or passing their history test. She had moved beyond this kind of pettiness.

“Give it a few days, Ros,” said Brady, with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Rose’s shoulders. “It’ll get easier when your cast comes off and you can navigate down the halls better.”

Rose rolled her eyes and Cali couldn’t help but laugh.

Maybe high school wouldn’t be too bad.

~`~

Love is confidence.

It’s trusting, it’s believing, it’s love one another until it never goes away. It’s a sweet sort of love, it’s wanting more and doing more. It’s a protecting kind of love.

It’s comfort in every meaning, it’s confidence in every way.

It’s how she loves him.

~`~

Seth opened his eyes slowly, the light was shining in from the window. Everything felt bright and warm and soft around the edges. He climbed out of bed carefully, trying not to disturb Cali and Chris.

Today, they were graduating.

Tomorrow, they would be celebrating Chris’ first birthday.

Chris had been born second of the Pack children. First had been Max on March 28; second Chris on April 3; third and fourth were the twins, James and Jessica, on April 24; and last was Hannah on May 16. They had originally planned on having a joint birthday for all five of them on April 18, which was the exact date between all of their birthdays.

But then Emily got sick and one thing turned into another, and it got pushed back to pass Hannah’s birthday. Finally they all decided to do it the same weekend as graduation, as there was no point in having two celebrations when it could all be done in one weekend.

Seth picked up the camera that Cali had gotten him for Christmas and carefully climbed back up onto the bed, standing over Cali and Chris. The first picture was them sleeping, the second was them waking up, the third was them smiling and laughing up at him.

The third was his favorite.

“You were late last night,” said Cali later, as she stood at the stove, making scrambled eggs and hash-browns. “I was almost worried that you got caught doing an extra patrol shift.”

“Charlie wanted to talk to me again about going to the academy,” said Seth as he bounced Chris on his knee. Ever since his mom had officially moved in with Charlie, or Chief Charlie Swan as he was known to the people of Forks and La Push, he had started to suggest that Seth join the police force.

“Seth you told me that you didn’t want that,” said Cali, as she carried over two plates for them and took Chris from him once she sat down. “You said that you wanted to focus on your photography.”

“I can’t provide for us with some amateur photos Cali,” Seth told her quietly, thinking of all the pictures he had in his camera reel. “This will give us some stability, and it won’t be too far off from what I already do for the Tribe.”

Cali bit her lip and fed Chris some of her eggs and some of the applesauce that Seth had tried to get into him. Chris wasn’t a picky eater, he was just picky about who fed him.

“Cal,” said Seth softly, reaching out to take her hand, she looked away from Chris and up to him, “tell me you don’t want me to become a police officer and I won’t.”

“I don’t want to make ever decision for you Seth,” said Cali, meeting his eyes with her own intensely green eyes. “I want you to be happy, to be able to do what you love, whether it’s to become a police officer or a photographer or to just work in the diner. I know what I want, what do you want to do? I’ll support you if it’s what you really want to do.”

Seth looked at Chris, at how much he looked like Cali, the same eyes and cheekbones and lips, the same fingers and nose and forehead, he wanted to keep him safe. He wanted them both safe, he wanted them close and safe and protected.

“I want to do it,” Seth told her, as he let go of her hand, but kept their eyes locked together. “I love you, I love Chris, I want to keep you safe.”

“Okay,” said Cali, nodding and turning to her food. Chris was content in her arms, as he usually was. “Then I want to talk to Charlie, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Cali,” said Seth, shaking his head, but smiling. “I’ll be fine, I’m not the one to worry about.”

“That’s not true,” said Cali softly, before she started eating her food. Seth smiled and took Chris from her, feeding him what little was left on his plate. Chris liked his scrambled eggs and applesauce and the other things that Cali made for him.

After breakfast, Seth cleaned up while Cali nursed Chris before passing him off so she could shower. This was the routine they had fallen into, whether they were at his house or hers, they fell into the same pattern.

Unlike a normal school day, they didn’t have to be to the school until one-thirty as graduation started at noon. There were never many graduates, La Push high school was small, and they’re class was no different.

“Alright baby boy,” said Seth as he got Chris changed and dressed into the overalls Seth got him for his actual birthday. Seth thought they looked rather adorable on him, and they kept him warm, which was all that mattered. “Will you be good for your mama and me today?”

“Dada,” said Chris, looking up at him and Seth suddenly felt his heart swell. Over the last three months, Chris had started to say a few words it was mostly just ‘mama’ or ‘gama’.

“Did he just?” asked Cali, and Seth turned to look at her, she was just in a towel, standing in the doorway of the living room. “Did he call you ‘dada’?”

Seth nodded as he picked up Chris and held him in his arms; Chris’ little arms wrapping around his neck. He was only eighteen, too young to be a father, too young to have a thirteen month old baby. But Chris was his son, there was no denying that.

“I think you should adopt him, Seth,” said Cali, as she reached out for Chris. “He already thinks that you’re his dad, and I want to keep it that way.”

Seth leaned down and kissed her, pulling her closer to him. She was the love of his life, his imprint, his best friend.

~`~

Love is more.

More than friendship, more than a relationship, more than two people against the world. It’s a family, it’s a partnership, it’s more. It’s Cali and Seth against the world, it’s Chris.

It’s signed adoption papers, it’s a picture of the three of them happy and healthy and together. It’s three with an unknowing fourth, a future fifth, and an unthought-of sixth.

Four children, two parents.

~`~

Cali stared at herself in the mirror.

She didn’t look the same as when she was seventeen, though some things were the same. Her hair was short and choppy, after her accident Leah had given her an undercut that she fell in love with. It definitely made working in the kitchen easier.

She no longer wore her glasses, hadn’t since Chris had become more grabby and she took over running the diner full time. Grease and glass didn’t get along together.

Her stomach still held onto an unwanted extra fifteen pounds, but she was reserved to keeping it. Seth didn’t seem to mind the extra weight, nor did he mind the extra weight that she kept putting on.

“Mama!” called Chris, as he ran into the bedroom and wrapped his arms around her waist. It was a bit harder for him now, with her baby bump and his younger sister in her shirt.

“Where’s Connor?” asked Cali, as she reached down and ran her fingers through his hair. It was starting to get shaggy and long, she would need to take him to Leah to get it trimmed.

“I don’t know,” said Chris, before he pulled away and ran out of the room, Cali sighed and glanced at herself in the mirror again before following after him. Chris ran into the living room and sat down on the floor, where Connor was sitting. Cali smiled and carefully backed away, going back to her bedroom.

She had thought that one kid had been difficult at seventeen, it turned out that three kids with another on the way at twenty-one was even more difficult.

She was starting to understand why her parents only had two kids and not more. But she and Seth wanted a bigger family, and while her latest pregnancy hadn’t been planned, she was happy to be having one more.

This one was going to be their last though, she was making sure of that.

Cali went back to her mirror and looked at herself again.

Her thighs were still wider than she liked, and her stretch marks had gotten worse over the last few years. Her burn scars had faded quite a bit over the last few years, but they still stuck out to her, and those who didn’t know her.

She took Carolynn out of her shirt and set her down in the crib. Carolynn was her first daughter and completely different than both of her boys. Chris had been easy, he had been quiet and cuddly and perfect. Connor had also been easy, he had been just as quiet and cuddly and perfect as his older brother.

Carolynn was needy, she always wanted to be held, she cried whenever she wasn’t eating or sleeping. She was still a good baby, she loved Seth, she smiled up at him and cuddled with him whenever they could be together.

Cali hoped that her next baby was also a girl, just so she could have even numbers, she just hoped that her next baby was just as easy as her boys had been. They were still undecided on if they wanted to know the gender, but Cali wasn’t worried.

Either boy or girl would be perfect.

She turned back to the mirror.

“Alright baby,” she whispered, as she pat her stomach. It never got easier being pregnant, but just like the three times before, it was just as magical. “What are we going to wear today?”

Her closet was still full of her brother’s old clothes, but now also had Seth’s clothes and more baby clothes than she wanted to admit. The Pack all shared baby clothes, Emily didn’t let them put anything to waste, even if it was just Rose who planned to have more kids after her current pregnancy.

She pushed past Seth’s uniforms and t-shirts and jeans; pass her brother’s old hoodies, the only things she couldn’t get rid of; and finally to her own sparse collection of sweaters and t-shirts and shorts. Long gone were the skimpy clothes that she wore to parties, now were comfortable sundresses and leggings.

She pulled out a pair of well stretched out leggings and a tank-top with one of Seth’s flannel shirts over it. Then she went back to Carolynn, picking her up as she opened her eyes, Seth’s eyes and then started wailing.

Carolynn was dependable.

Cali bounced her and put her in her shirt, which quieted her. She left her bedroom and found her boys still on the floor and watching TV.

“Where’s papa?” asked Chris, as he toddled over to Cali, where she stood in the kitchen. Downstairs, she knew that the diner was busy with orders, both in person and takeout. Her days were split between her family and friends, and the diner below her feet.

“He’s keeping us safe,” Cali told him, as she reached down to ruffle his hair, it was definitely time to give him a haircut. This was the usual response she gave him when he asked where Seth was, but hearing him say ‘papa’ to or about Seth, always made her smile. “He’ll be home for lunch.”

Cali gently shushed him back to the living room and his younger brother, before turning to her kitchen. She didn’t just have a normal diner downstairs, though they did serve most of the staples that had been served in diners longer than her parents had been alive. She also served the things that she always wanted to serve. She had monte cristo sandwiches and meatloaf with mashed potatoes, served alongside risotto and seabass.

She had merged the diner with her dreams of a fine dining restaurant, she had put her dreams together. Cali pulled out the leftover chicken from dinner last night and the leftover roasted veggies from lunch two days ago. Her children, much like her fiancé, ate whatever she put in front of them.

Her family was easy to please.

~`~

Love is children.

Chris, Connor, Carolynn, and Clover.

Four verse two, four children, two boys, two girls, their children are more. Their children are wild and energetic and amazing beings. Four children, all different and all theirs.

Their children are love, love, love, love.

~`~

Seth held Chris in his arms, with Connor balanced on his shoulders, his small hands pulling at Seth’s hair. Cali stood beside him, with Carolynn strapped to her chest and her stomach poking out of her shirt more than the other two times he had seen her pregnant.

“I have looked over the petition for adoption,” said Judge Knolle, staring Seth down as if he had never bared witness in her courtroom before. “And after speaking to your caseworker and interviewing your friends and family, I am pleased to reward you with custody of Christopher Andrew Ateara.”

Seth smiled and tickled Chris’ sides as he looked over at Cali, who was smiling at him.

“Congratulations Mr. Clearwater,” said Judge Knolle, as she straightened up her papers, “you have a beautiful family.”

Seth nodded and pulled Connor off of his shoulders as they were dismissed. He set both of his boys on the ground took their hands, leading them out of the courthouse and to the jeep. He knew it was a bit ridiculous to keep the jeep, but he loved the jeep and Cali used it more than he did now.

He got the boys in their car seats and helped Cali climb up into the passenger seat before taking Carolynn and strapping her into her car seat. “What’s our time now?” Seth asked Cali as he climbed into his seat and pulled out of their parking spot.

“About six minutes apart,” said Cali, as she met his eyes, her hands resting on her stomach. “Are you sure that we’ll make it?”

“We have an hour long trip to make in twenty minutes,” said Seth with a smile, as he pulled out into traffic and pressed his foot on the gas pedal. “I think we’ll make it before I’m forced to deliver our baby on the side of the road.”

Cali smiled and rolled her eyes as Seth put his hand right above her knee. She put her hand over his and squeezed his fingers as another contraction hit her.

“I was thinking about names,” Seth told her, as he glanced in the rearview mirror to see all three of their kids were asleep. “I know you’re attached to Carly, but I was thinking of Clover for a girl. Clover Caitlyn Clearwater?”

“Clover,” said Cali, rubbing her stomach with her free hand. “Clover Clearwater… I like it. Are you still sure about Caleb for a boy?”

“Yeah, Caleb is a great name,” said Seth as Cali squeezed his hand again. Today was taking a different turn than either of them expected, Seth had just thought that he would officially become Chris’ father. It had been a few years in the making, they had put the petition in just before Cali found out she was pregnant with Connor.

“Well after today, we’ll be a complete family,” said Cali, turning to smile at him. Seth returned the smile and pressed his foot down harder on the gas.

~`~

Love is family.

~`~

Cali smiled as she watched her children work together from her favorite vantage point by the fryers. Chris was already eighteen, her little boy was all grown up, no longer her little cuddlier, her baby boy. Chris and Connor were both part of the Pack, something that made her nervous every time she knew they were out on patrol.

From her spot, she could keep an eye on him as he worked the rail, making milkshakes and setting up orders to be ran to tables. Chris kept the dining room organized and clean, and the servers on task. It made her a little sad that her oldest was about to graduate and get married to Hannah Uley, his imprint.

Connor, her second baby boy, her sweet little boy, was sixteen already. He was her best line cook, finding a home in the kitchen just like she had. Even if she was worried about how dedicated he was to his imprint Carli Call.

Even if Cali adored both Carli and Hannah like they were her own daughters. The thought of her children leaving her made her sad, but she also knew that they had to move on and grow past her.

“Mom,” said Carolynn, poking her head in the window dividing the kitchen from the dining room. “I need new fries, these were soggy.”

“Be back here in two minutes Carolynn,” Cali told her as her daughter disappeared to one of her tables.

Carolynn was just like Seth, a people person through and through. She was the reason that Cali knew the diner would be in good hands when she and Seth eventually handed over the restaurant to their children. Carolynn would take over the dining room, she was amazing at seeing what their guests wanted and needed from them.

She had an uncanny ability to guess what specials would sellout by the end of the day.

“Order!” yelled Collie, Cali and Seth’s youngest daughter, she was the one who would take over the kitchen side of the diner. This made Cali most excited, her daughter had the same love for food that Cali had, and even more love for the diner than any of her other children. “Mom are those fries ready?”

Cali pulled up the fryer basket and dumped the fries into and bowl and seasoned them liberally before putting them on a plate and into the window. Collie had a love for all the little details of the kitchen, she called out orders and kept her station clean and organized.

Collie was her mini, Seth often was comparing their looks to one another. They had the same short dark hair, green eyes, nose, and cheekbones; they had the same hands and thin fingers and short torsos; but Collie had Seth’s smile, which made her always completely fall for whatever she tried to pull on her. Cali, smiled as she stood back by her fryers and watched Collie command her kitchen.

_Her kitchen_ , it was still strange to her that her parents actually gave her the diner. That they actually handed her the rails and retired to California.

The dinner rush slowed as the night went on, and Cali flipped on the radio as her children started doing their closing duties. She still loved her music, still loved to sing to her children, to Seth, to herself in the shower.

“ _Looking out my window, an angel in robes appeared and nearly pulled me apart_ ,” sang Cali as she turned the radio up, ignoring her children rolling her eyes at her. “ _A million miles of freedom, a million miles of road, but I still don't know where to start_.”

She started scrubbing down the front of the fryers, tomorrow morning she would filter them and scrub them out before lunch. She preferred to clean the fryers in the mornings, when they had cooled down and her children were at school.

“ _She wrote her number down, and she gave it to me. They had to scrape me off the floor, in this transient town, waiters and dealers, trying to get their foot in the door_.” Cali kept her head down as she heard Collie start to sing along. If she knew one thing about her daughter, it was that if Cali heard her singing or commented on it, she wouldn’t sing in front of her anymore.

“ _That night I called her and she said, "Daddy daddy daddy, all my life, I've been trying to find my place in the world"_ ,” Cali sang as the bell over the front door chimed. They still had about fifteen minutes before they closed, but they usually never had anyone come into the diner this late. Still, Cali stood up and looked in the direction of the door to see a police officer standing there. “ _And I said to her, "Baby baby babe, I got all night to listen to the heart of a girl"_.”

“Dad!” yelled Carolynn, and Cali smiled as Seth lifted his head and caught her eyes from across the dining room. Their lives had changed so much over the years, their children growing older, the diner getting more and more popular with those coming off the highway, Seth rising up from just a police officer and to the Chief of police.

He still kept his camera with him at all times, always coming home with something beautiful to show her.

“Hey Singer,” said Seth, hugging Carolynn and sitting down at the counter. “How horrible would it be to ask your mother to make me something for dinner?”

Cali rolled her eyes and pulled out some cold chicken and tortillas, she had yet to wrap up the salad station and she knew exactly what to make for Seth. At this point, he lived off of chicken wraps and fries, at least when he worked late.

“ _I can see the time drippin' down the clock, we've been trying to hear that ancient refrain, It's the one that knows just when our heads are down_ ,” sang Collie, as Cali quickly put something together for Seth. “ _And reminds us of the place from where we came, where we came_.”

“Hey,” said Cali as she handed Seth the plate she made for him and sat in the seat beside him. “How were patrols?”

“As boring as you would expect, but I got some nice photos,” said Seth, as he pulled out his camera. “This one is my favorite of the night.”

Cali took the camera from Seth and then immediately rolled her eyes, “Seth this is just me scrubbing the fryer. I do this every night.”

“And you look beautiful doing it,” said Seth, before he took a bite of his food and rested his free hand just above her knee. “No one else can make it look as sexy as you do.”

Cali smiled as she heard the music get louder in the kitchen, “" _Daddy daddy daddy, all my life, I've been trying to find my place in this world". "Baby baby babe, I got all night to listen to the heart of a girl"_.”

“I love you Seth,” she whispered as Connor and Collie started yelling at each over the music while Carolynn and Chris snapped at each other while wiping down the tables. They weren’t perfect, but they were their children.

“Love you too, Cali.”


	2. Chapter 2

Collie looked up from her phone at the sound of the bell from the front door. It was the usual midafternoon lull of the day, the only one who came in during this time was her dad, or one of the Pack boys.

“Clo,” called Riley, from the one seat at the counter that could see the whole kitchen. It was Riley’s favorite seat, and Collie’s, it was where her mom had always set her up to keep an eye on her when her dad wasn’t around. “You busy?”

Collie put her phone in her pocket and walked out front. “It’s dead, I’m just waiting for Connor to come off patrols.”

She stood on the other side of the counter while Riley glanced around the empty diner. It was Saturday and they had no plans, usually they went to whatever party they could find or hung out at Riley’s house. She lived with her older brother, Raymond, in her grandfather’s old house, with constant check-ins from her older twin sisters, Sara and Sorra.

“There’s a party down in Forks,” whispered Riley, and Collie had to keep herself from trying to roll her eyes, there was no one around. “Can you get the jeep from your sister?”

Collie took out her phone and began typing, it was her weekend to have the old jeep she shared with Carolynn. Though getting the keys from her always proved to be a challenge, Carolynn always claimed to need the keys to be able to visit her boyfriend, who lived in the Makah Tribe.

“She needs it tonight to go see Tim-Tim,” said Collie, as she read her sisters message, “but I’ll ask mom when Connor gets here.”

“To bad that you can’t just take Connor’s car,” said Riley as she sat back in her chair. “Doesn’t he owe you for walking in on him and Carli?”

“Don’t remind me,” said Collie, looking through her phone for the party that Riley was talking about. She wasn’t a big fan of the parties down in Forks, she preferred to hang out in La Push, either on the beach or on the cliffs. “I’m still scarred for life from seeing that.”

Riley giggled and Collie looked up from her phone, she did feel bad for Carli. Collie had come home late from school after Connor left her and ran upstairs to find Carli and Connor on the couch together.

_Together_.

It wasn’t even that it was her brother and one of her closest friends, it was more of the fact that it was in the middle of their living room. Carli was the same age as her and Riley, and Billie and Harley, they were all good friends, but Collie always felt a little weirded out by the fact that her brother imprinted on her friend.

But she was also able to hold the whole thing over her brother when needed.

“I think I want to save it for something bigger than borrowing the car,” said Collie, standing up straight. “Are you hungry? I’m going to make some fish.”

“Oh yes please,” said Riley, with a big smile and Collie felt her heart skip a beat.

Riley was her best friend, they had been inseparable since Riley and her siblings had been forced to move to La Push after their parents died in a freak accident. Her Aunt Rachel had put Billie and her together to become friends, and it was how Collie became friends with Riley.

Collie had grown up working in the diner, her mother had carried her in a sling on her chest until she got too big, then she was planted on a counter or put into the large mixing bowl. When she got a bit older, she had started to help out more and more, mostly after school and on the weekends.

Now though, if she wasn’t at school or with her friends, she always seemed to be at the diner. She loved working in the kitchen, calling all the shots and being in charge of the restaurant, being in charge of her older siblings.

“Oh sweet potatoes,” said Riley as Collie sat down in the seat beside her and set the plate of fish, fries, and coleslaw in front of them. “You must really love me.”

Collie blushed, but luckily Riley was more focus on the food than on her. “I like them too,” she mumbled between bites of fish as she dipped her fries in ketchup.

“Wow, what a surprise,” said Connor as he walked in from the back door of the diner. He was pulling on a t-shirt as he walked in. “Of course Riley’s eating your lunch.”

Collie and Riley rolled their eyes in a perfect synchronized motion, something that they perfected in the year after they met. Connor shook his head at the pair of them, not surprised at all.

“I made it for both of us,” said Collie as she smacked Connor’s hand away from her food. “And I need to borrow the car tonight, we got invited to a party down in Forks.”

“Ah, no,” said Connor crossing his arms over his chest. “You can take the jeep, Carolynn owes you.”

“She wants to go see Tim-Tim,” said Riley, with another roll of her eyes. “And don’t you owe Collie.”

Collie kicked her foot under the counter, something that was a little harder said than done as Riley was taller than her, and glared at her best friend. “I’ll just ask mom, even though you’re supposed to close tonight Connor.” Connor sighed and Collie pushed her plate forward towards him and pass Riley’s grabby hand.

“Alright,” said Connor, digging a hand into his pocket and pulling out his car keys. “But next time you get to fight Carolynn. Actually you know she owes me for last weekend.”

“And you’ll have it back sometime tomorrow morning,” Collie told him as she pocketed his keys. “I’m working lunch shift tomorrow with Hannah and Chris.”

Connor nodded and Collie leaned forward across the counter and kissed Connor’s cheek. Out of all three of her siblings, she knew that she was closest to Connor. He was two years older than her, but it didn’t matter, he was always there for her when she needed him.

Or his car.

~`~

Love is undefinable.

It’s something that is felt and not explained, love is warmth, it’s happiness and sunshine. Love is like the rain, calming and haunting and a little sad, its everything in between and everything that it wants to be.

Love is her.

~`~

Riley ran along the beach.

The first time she ran along the beach at night, it had been the day her parents’ bodies washed up on shore. The next day, Aunt Rachel, a woman that she only knew on the other side of a computer screen or phone, or in childhood pictures that her mother kept, showed up on their porch steps.

Sara and Sorra were always efficient, Riley could never dock them on that. They were always on the first sign of trouble, they had an uncanny ability to know when something was wrong.

It was why they didn’t like Raymond…or Riley.

Raymond’s faults were easy, he was a monster, a wolf. He let himself fall into being a protector, a hero, a guardian of the reservation and the Tribe. He was also the only boy in their family of four.

Riley on the other hand, she had nothing supernatural in her blood. Other than the gene that could be passed down in her blood to breed more wolves. But that wasn’t what made her older sisters repel her, instead it was the secret that she had told no one, not even Raymond, not even Collie.

It wasn’t that she was ashamed to be gay, to be attracted to girls, it was the fear of how her family would act.

Her sisters hated the abnormal, they hated living in La Push, they hated this home unlike anyone else she knew. Her sisters dreamed of the farm they had grown up on in Hawaii; Riley ran on the beach in the middle of the night.

In Hawaii, it had been warm, the sand white and soft under her bare feet, the surf almost uncomfortably warm against her feet and legs. In La Push, it was the opposite. It was cold, but she still wore just her hoodie and shorts and kept her feet bare, even in the winter, even with the snow. The sand was dark, almost gray and course under her feet, and the surf was ice against her legs and feet.

Running in Hawaii, in paradise was nothing like running in La Push, here it was like she could breathe.

She liked running at night, seeing the clouds part for her and moon and stars shine down on her. She always got to see a piece of the sky when she ran at night, something that her cousins and sisters and aunts never saw during the day.

Riley slowed her pace and took in a deep breath before laying down in the sand. She didn’t hear Raymond come and sit down beside her, just felt his presence as she looked up at the stars.

“It’s too cold outside to pull this shit Ry,” said Raymond as he laid back next to her. Riley rolled her eyes, this was what he always told her whenever he caught her out running.

“At least I have a shirt on,” she told him, as she moved over to rest her head on his shoulder. “Did Sara and Sorra tell you how long they’ll be around?”

“I think that they want to buy a house up here or something to keep an eye on us,” said Raymond and Riley sighed, of course their sisters would try to do something like that.

“I’m graduating in a year and a half, I don’t need to be babysat,” said Riley annoyed. “We do fine together, we were practically taking care of Grandpa Billy before he passed.”

Riley regretted the words the second she said them. Grandpa Billy had taken them in when no else could, he took the four of them in when their parents died, he helped raise them to be the people they were. Their aunts and uncles had helped, along with their friends in the Tribe, the Uleys and the Calls and the Camerons and the Clearwaters, had helped them get through the initial adjustment, but Grandpa Billy had been their rock.

He had lost his wife, his oldest daughter and son-in-law, and now was raising four of his grandchildren who he had never met before without a screen in between them.

Riley had been seven when her life had been torn out from underneath her.

Now she was sixteen, just trying her best.

“We both know that,” said Raymond, patting Riley’s arm. “But Sara and Sorra will always do whatever they want. They’ll always go over our heads and always try to push us around.”

“They hate me,” said Riley, sitting up and dusting the sand off of her bare legs. “They know something is wrong with me and-“

“That’s on them Riley,” said Raymond, tightening his arm around her waist and pulling her into his chest. “I don’t care that you’re gay.”

Riley looked up at the sky, feeling tears prickly in her eyes. Then she turned to look at Raymond, who was staring up at the stars. He winked at her and she let the tears fall, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly.

“I love you Ray,” whispered Riley as he pulled her closer and held her in his warm arms. “You’re the best big brother.”

~`~

Love is unforgiving.

To love is to want, to want is to need, to need is to have. She wants her, wants her so much that it hurts, that she needs to see her, needs to be around her.

She can’t forgive herself for it, she is her life, her love, who she wants enough that it hurts.

Love is unforgiving, unyielding, and unbelievably hard.

~`~

Collie opened her eyes, her head felt heavy and her mouth dry. It was bright and she could hear music from the kitchen down the hall. She blinked a few times and groaned as she climbed out of bed.

“I made breakfast,” said Carolynn as Collie walked into the kitchen and went to the coffee maker. Everyone in their family lived off of coffee and eggs in the morning, though coffee followed them throughout the day. “And don’t drink all of the coffee.”

“I need it though,” whined Collie as she poured her coffee into the big coffee cup.

“And Connor is also going to come in and want some,” said Carolynn as she began putting together three plates of food. “I made the last of the coffee and I don’t want to go downstairs and get more.”

Collie groaned and put a third of her coffee back into the pot before adding in creamer to her cup. “If Connor wants more then he can go downstairs and grab more.”

“Fine,” said Carolynn, shoving a plate into Collie’s free hand. “Con-Air! Come eat!”

Collie rolled her eyes and sat down at the table, Carolynn, like their father, had nicknames for all of them. She didn’t really like it, mostly because her name was already her nickname. She was Collie, she didn’t need anything more.

Except Clo, which was what Riley called her.

“Wow, Coco’s up,” said Connor as he walked into the kitchen and poured himself the last of the coffee. “How was the party?”

“Alright,” mumbled Collie, as she took a bite of her toast. “Forks parties aren’t as fun as the ones on the cliffs.”

“You and Riley should come out with me and Tim-Tim,” said Carolynn, as she started eating. Collie rolled her eyes, she loved her sister and she liked her boyfriend Tim-Tim, but she would never want to go out with them, even if Riley was with them. “His friends are really fun.”

“I’ll pass on the offer to Riley,” said Collie, turning to her food.

The three of them ate together, back when Chris still lived with them, it would’ve been five around the table. Chris and his then girlfriend Hannah, Connor, Carolynn, and Collie. Breakfast was usually the only time they all got to be together, the only time they got to talk about their days and what had happened the night before.

Everything had been a little off since Chris had moved out and married Hannah. Collie missed her brother more than she would’ve ever admitted, even if they didn’t get along very well.

“Can anyone take my shift tonight?” asked Carolynn and both Connor and Collie sighed. “I need to finish my homework.”

“No,” said the pair of them. All of them knew the rules, homework was a top priority in their home, their parents pushed them to do well in school, and if they fell behind, they weren’t allowed to work in the diner.

All of them depended on their job in the diner.

“Do it this afternoon,” said Connor, as he stood up and took everyone’s empty plates. “I have plans with Carli anyways.”

“I’m already working lunch,” said Collie, standing up, “and I have to get downstairs before Chris comes up here.”

Collie went to the bedroom she shared with Carolynn and pulled out her uniform, though calling it a uniform wasn’t saying much. They had t-shirts with the diner’s name and they all wore jeans or leggings with their kitchen shoes, her mom wasn’t too picky about their hair either, as long as it was pulled back and tidy.

She quickly changed and went to the bathroom to tie her hair back and brush her teeth before heading downstairs.

“You’re late!” yelled Chris from the expo window, Collie rolled her eyes and took out her phone to check the time. She was two minutes late.

“Two minutes,” said Collie as she washed her hands and went to the expo station, right across from Chris. “Two minutes isn’t the end of the world.”

Part of her hated having three older siblings, but at the same time she loved them all. Chris was five years older than her, and being the oldest, he acted like he was another one of her parents. He acted like that towards all of them, even after he moved out, he treated all of them like they were still little kids, as if he wasn’t only twenty-one.

“We are swamped Clover,” hissed Chris, before leaving the window and turning to the counter full people. Collie sighed and looked at her rail of tickets, they weren’t swamped, but they were definitely busy.

Chris was also the only one that called Collie by her given name too. Her father had named her Clover, because she was going to be their lucky charm, or so he always told her, but Collie was sure that it was more from the elation of officially adopting Chris and having her.

“Allan!” called Collie, looking over her shoulder, “how long on fries?”

~`~

Love is friendship.

Years and years of friendship, of growing close, of learning one another. Friendship is mutual love, it’s falling into each other and coming closer. They are one and the same, they are best friends, they have been together since they were seven, and they’ll be together long after.

Friendship, is love.

~`~

Riley stared up at the sky, while the waves brushed against her bare feet.

“So you know how we tell each other everything?” asked Riley as she ran her fingers through Collie’s short hair.

“Yeah,” said Collie, dragging the word out slowly and turning her head up to look at her. “What is this about?”

“I’m gay.”

Riley kept her eyes trained on the sky, waiting for some response, for something. She didn’t stop her fingers, Collie’s hair was so soft under her hand.

“And?” asked Collie, sitting up and looking at her. Riley felt tears come to her eyes as she looked at Collie. She was her best friend, her favorite person in the whole world and this meant more than she would know.

Riley threw her arms around Collie and hugged her tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered, as Collie rubbed her back and held her close. “Raymond and I talked about it, but I don’t know how to tell Sara and Sorra.”

“Who cares what they think,” whispered Collie as she pulled away from her. “You’re perfect.”

Riley nodded and rested her head on Collie’s shoulder. She was right, Collie was always right about these things. They were both the youngest in their families, and they both had issues with their siblings. Riley couldn’t get along with Sara and Sorra, while Collie was at her wits end with her brother Chris.

“You’re my best friend,” whispered Riley as she pulled back from her, “and I love you.”

“Enough sappiness,” said Collie, getting to her feet and holding her hand out to her. “Let’s go see if your brother can get us some beer.”

Riley took Collie’s hand and let her pull her up, she didn’t let go of her hand as they walked down the beach and through the woods to her house. When they walked in, Raymond was sleeping on the couch and Max was in the kitchen drinking a beer.

“Hey kids,” said Max as he threw them each a beer as they walked into the kitchen, which Collie caught for both of them. “Drink up.”

Riley sat at the table, while Collie got comfortable on the counter. It was a little weird for all three of them, Max was both of the girls’ cousin, even if they weren’t related. Collie’s dad was Max’s mom’s little brother, while Riley’s mom was Max’s dad’s older sister.

Riley thought about it a lot, about how they weren’t related.

“Thanks Max,” said Collie as she popped open her can and took a sip. “Are you going to start living here too?”

“It’s in the works,” said Max, as he took a drink. “Now that Mackenzie is in Michigan and Marcus and Lacsey are moving in together. Mom and dad will be pushing me out pretty soon.”

Riley rolled her eyes, as if Uncle Jacob and Aunt Leah would ever push out any of their children. It had been hard for them to say goodbye to Mackenzie, it had been hard for all of the Black cousins to leave one another.

“I doubt that,” said Collie, catching Riley’s eye and smiling. “They would never do that. They would never send you out like that.”

Max grabbed a second can of beer and played with the pop top, not looking at either Riley or Collie. Riley knew that Max carried a lot on his shoulders, he was the Alpha of the Pack and one of the oldest in the Pack, other than Raymond. He worked in Uncle Jacob’s garage when he wasn’t on patrols and the rest of the time, he spent stressed out and angry at everyone.

“I think that will be fun,” said Riley, because she would be the one living with him if he did move in. “Ray and I miss having someone else here.”

It was unspoken that they missed Grandpa Billy, missed hearing him putter around the kitchen, missed him falling asleep in his chair in the living room, they even missed him nagging them about housework. Grandpa Billy was the best person in their life.

Every day it got a little easier to move on, but living in this house was like being haunted. The memories of him lingered in the house and all around the reservation. Grandpa Billy’s memory was like a ghost and there was nowhere to escape from it.

“If you’re okay with it,” said Max, not meeting her eyes and Riley smiled.

“You know you’re always welcomed here.”

~`~

Love is shared whispers in the dark.

Sisters are many things, secret keepers are the number one. An unspoken code passed and forged over years and years of close confidant and years of living together. Love is a secret, quiet whispers, and a dark room that only the two of them know.

~`~

Collie quietly opened her bedroom door, she had gone out with Riley after helping Max move in with her and Raymond. She quietly closed the door and tiptoed to her bed, only to find Carolynn sleeping there.

Something was wrong, something was incredibly wrong.

“Singer,” whispered Collie, rubbing her shoulder to wake her up. “Carolynn get out of my bed.”

Singer was the name her father had given Carolynn when she was born. It was the only nickname that Collie used for her, unlike all the other names, it just fit.

“Coco?” whispered Carolynn reaching for her, and Collie rolled her eyes before crawling into bed with her. Collie wrapped her arms around her and tucked her head into her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” asked Collie, as she rubbed small circles into her back. “Is it Tim-Tim?”

Carolynn was only about three months from graduating, and Collie was sure that Tim-Tim was going to propose within the year. He was a year older than Carolynn and Collie had been wary of him when she first met him, but after three years, she had grown to love him like a brother.

“No,” said Carolynn with a small sniffle and Collie was sure that she was going to cry. “I’m pregnant.”

Collie pulled away and looked at her sister, which was harder said than done, Carolynn had pulled the curtains close and it was darker than normal in their room. But she could see the tear tracks on her face and hear the raspy-ness in her voice.

“No,” whispered Collie, pulling her in close, “no, no, _no_! You can’t be!”

“Collie,” said Carolynn, pushing her away and meeting Collie’s eyes. “I am.”

“Have you…?” asked Collie, not really knowing what to say. _Have you told mom and dad, have you talked to Tim-Tim, have you told Chris and Connor, have you thought about what to do?_

“Tim-Tim knows,” whispered Carolynn, as Collie tucked her head under Carolynn’s chin. “But I haven’t told anyone else other than you. I don’t know what to do, but Tim-Tim told me that he wants to marry me and move down here to help in the diner or the construction company.”

The construction company was a business that Chris, Harry Fuller, and James Lahote had all started up together. Chris was amazing with numbers and kept their books straight, while Harry and James did all the building.

“So he’ll support you no matter what?” asked Collie, because that was what mattered. They all knew how important that was, Chris’ father never cared for him, in fact, Chris hadn’t met him until he graduated from high school.

“He wants to _marry_ me Collie,” whispered Carolynn, as she tightened her arms around him.

“How did you tell him?”

“Umm…” said Carolynn, and Collie knew that she was blushing, “we sat together in his parent’s bathtub and watched the plus sign appear.”

Collie giggled, just thinking about it, Tim-Tim was a big guy, just about as big as their brothers and cousins. The thought of the pair of them sitting in a tiny bathtub together was more comical than anything.

“I was freaking out Coco,” whispered Carolynn, but Collie couldn’t stop giggling, not even when Carolynn pushed her off the bed.

“Girls,” said their father, poking his head into their dark room and turning on their light. “It’s three in the morning, and you have to be up in a four hours for school.”

“Sorry dad,” said Collie, as she went to Carolynn’s bed. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Collie and Carolynn both had insomnia, something that they inherited from their dad. It usually was worse when their anxiety got out of hand. Carolynn was better at controlling it than Collie, but this news deserved the anxiety.

“Alright, but don’t keep your sister up,” he said, flicking off the light and closing the door.

Collie walked across the room and climbed back into her bed with Carolynn. “Can I tell you something?” whispered Collie, as she tucked herself back into her arms.

“Of course,” said Carolynn, as she wrapped her arms back around him.

“I slept with Renesmee during spring break,” whispered Collie, thinking about the sleepover she had at Grandma Sue and her Step-Grandpa Charlie’s house a few weeks ago. “I don’t know how I feel about it, but I think…I think that I…I like girls.”

“Is it because of Riley?”

Collie closed her eyes and felt Carolynn rub her shoulders and back, as tears came to her eyes. “I…I don’t know. I just want everything to go back to normal, before she told me. I love her, but part of me thinks that it’s more…more than just friendship.”

Carolynn was the only person that Collie had told, but that was after she swore her to secrecy. They told each other everything, they had a sister code that they couldn’t break, that they would never break.

“You know that we love you,” whispered Carolynn, tightening her arms around Collie. “No one will look down on you.”

“I’m not worried about coming out as gay or what anyone will think, it’s just that I’m worried about what Riley will think,” said Collie, as she closed her eyes. “She thinks that I’m straight.”

“If you want more with her,” whispered Carolynn, “then you should ask her out, it’s not like you don’t spend all your time together anyways.”

Collie nodded and tucked herself in closer, letting the sound of Carolynn’s heartbeat and her hands rubbing her back lull her to sleep.

~`~

Love is time.

~`~

“How is it that you have more nieces and nephews than I do, but all of my siblings are older than yours?” Riley asked Collie as they stood on the other side of the window separating them from the rows of babies.

“Because my siblings actually have someone in their life,” said Collie and Riley smiled. “And my cousin didn’t move in with me.”

Riley nodded as they both looked at Collie’s first niece, Nicole Caitlyn Cast. She was a beautiful baby girl, with wispy black hair and dark eyes and ten perfect toes and fingers. She wasn’t Riley’s niece, but she was so close to the Clearwater family that she felt like she was.

She had sat with Collie’s family the whole time Carolynn was in labor. She helped keep her nephews, Alex, Devon, and Camren entertained. She had pushed Collie to go be with Carolynn when she had asked for her.

“She’s beautiful,” whispered Riley as she felt Collie lace their fingers together and rest her head on her arm.

“It’ll be weird not seeing Carolynn with her big stomach,” said Collie, and Riley smiled. Carolynn had looked so uncomfortable in her last two months, but Connor and Collie had been there to help her.

“Can we go in there?” asked Riley, as Collie pulled away and looked around them. “Or would that be weird?”

“A little,” said Collie, as she turned to Riley with a big smile. “But I’m going to be godmother so who cares.”

Riley giggled as the pair of them snuck into the nursery and went to Nicole, she was even cuter close up. She looked like Collie, like the baby pictures that she had seen of her when she was little. They had the same ears and chin and little nose, it was amazing.

“She’ll look just like you when she’s older,” Riley told Collie as she picked up the baby. It was weird how maternal Collie was, how much she loved being an aunt, Riley thought that it was funny.

“You mean Carolynn right?” asked Collie as she cradled her niece, “she is her daughter.”

“She has your nose and your ears,” said Riley as she lightly rubbed Nicole’s hair. Collie smiled up at her and Riley returned the gesture.

“Ry,” whispered Collie, putting her niece back into her bassinet. She turned to look at her and Riley let herself fall into her dark green eyes, Collie was always beautiful. Riley leaned down and kissed Collie, holding her face in her hands and tilting her head to deepen the kiss.

She felt Collie’s arms wrap around her neck and hold her tight, this had been a long time coming, Riley had been in love with Collie for so long. She had fallen for her before she had known that she was gay, before she had ever realized that she could be in love with her.

“Ry I love you,” said Collie once she pulled away, “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“Me too,” said Riley pulling away from her and holding her at arms-length. “But can we do this? What will you’re parents think?”

“I don’t care, Carolynn knows and she loves me still, Connor told me that if I love you then I should do something about it. My parents won’t care and you told me that Raymond doesn’t, who cares about anyone else?” said Collie, taking the half step forward and wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Are you sure?” whispered Riley, as she tucked Collie under her chin. She always loved being taller than Collie, than most of her friends, being able to tuck them underneath her always made her happy.

She was the best cuddlier, the best big spoon.

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I wasn’t,” said Collie, and Riley could hear the nervousness in her voice.

“Clo,” said Riley softly, petting her short hair. “I love you, and I want this to work for us.”

~`~

Love is new.

Friendship changing into a relationship, a new beginning, new love. The pining is over, it’s just the two of them figuring it all out. It’s hard, as they try to keep it secret, but something makes it easy, they hold so many secrets.

Their relationship is new and exciting and its unlike anything they’ve ever done before.

~`~

“How did you know?” asked Riley, and Collie turned in her bed to look at her. It was late, they had just gotten home from the hospital a few hours ago. Riley was supposed to go home, but it was nearly three in the morning and they had school in a few hours.

“I slept with Renesmee during spring break,” whispered Collie, as she played with Riley’s hands, twisting the rings on her fingers. “It was weird being with her, but I liked it, and I wanted to do it with someone I loved…and I talked to Carolynn and I realized that I wanted to be with you.”

“Really?” whispered Riley and Collie smiled.

“Yes,” said Collie as Riley kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

She felt Riley wrap her arms around her and tuck her back under her chin. Collie took in a deep breath, letting the smell of orange blossoms fill her nose and relax her. She never had trouble falling asleep beside Riley.

“You never told me that you liked girls,” mumbled Riley and Collie felt her press her nose to the top of Collie’s head.

“I don’t really know what I like,” whispered Collie, because it was the truth. “You know that I slept with Zac a few times, but I know that I want to be with you, Ry.” She untucked her head and looked up at her, “I love you, Riley.”

Collie met Riley’s eyes, they were close enough that she didn’t need to her glasses to see; Riley had the most beautiful eyes, light brown that looked golden in the very rare sunlight they got in La Push. She was always beautiful, even before they were friends, Collie had been drawn to her just by her beauty.

“You have the most beautiful eyes, Clo,” whispered Riley and Collie felt herself blush. She closed her eyes as Riley kissed her softly, her fingers running through her hair and pulling her closer.

Kissing Riley was the best feeling in the world. Collie felt like everything was right for the first time in her life, like everything was warm and calm and she could breathe.

“Riley,” whispered Collie as she pulled her closer, as she pressed her lips to her jaw and neck and collarbone. “Riley, Riley…Riley.”

Even her name felt intoxicating on her lips, she felt drunk on Riley.

This was the overconsuming feeling of love.

“Girls,” said Collie’s father, as he turned on the light. Riley and Collie pulled away from each other quickly, and looked at Seth. “I know you’re not going to school tomorrow, but it’s time to go to bed.”

“Sorry dad,” said Collie, as she tucked her face into Riley’s shoulder. “We’re just excited about Nikki.”

“Oh,” said Seth with a nod, and Collie could hear the tiredness in his voice, in just the one word. Her father had come off of an unexpected night shift and then rushed Carolynn to the hospital when her water broke. He then stayed up all night with everyone before bringing Collie and Riley and her mother all home. “Well it’s time for bed.”

“Sorry Chief Clearwater,” said Riley and Collie put her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling. “We’ll go to bed right away.”

“Alright,” said Seth, softly as he turned off the light. “I’ll make French Toast for everyone in the morning.”

The second the door closed, the pair of them burst out into giggles. Collie held onto Riley’s shoulders as the pair of them shook with laughter in her tiny bed. She felt Riley wrap her arms around her waist and put her head in the crook of her neck.

“We should tell them,” whispered Collie, as she wrapped her arms around Riley.

“Tomorrow,” whispered Riley, and Collie nodded against her head. It was going to be a long road for the pair of them, a long and bumpy road.

~`~

Love is small steps.

Each of them feel big, each of them feel impossible, each of them are easier than they seem. Each and every one of them bring them closer to each other.

Even as they’re forced apart.

~`~

“It won’t be long,” whispered Riley in between kisses; Collie, her girlfriend, was pressed up against the driver’s side door of the jeep, her arms wrapped around Riley’s waist. “I’ll be home before you know it.”

“Four months is too long though,” whispered Collie, as she wrapped her arms around Riley’s neck and held her.

“You’ll come visit,” Riley reminded her, “your ticket is already bought and Ray will be coming with you.”

Collie nodded, unwrapping her arms and putting them at her sides. “I know,” she said softly, not meeting Riley’s eyes. “But we’ve never been away from each other for so long, not since we met each other.”

“When you come down,” said Riley, grabbing her chin and making Collie meet her eyes. Riley had seen Collie eyes look sad and haunted, she had also seen them happy and alive. Her eyes were sad now, “we’ll go surfing, and running on the beach, and I’ll be able to show you all around the farm. We’ll have fun, I promise.”

“October can’t come fast enough,” said Collie, and Riley nodded, October was six weeks away, but she wouldn’t see Collie until the tail end of October. “I’ll be wearing the same thing now as when I see you next.”

“Clo,” said Riley, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, “I love you, but don’t worry about me too much.”

“To late,” whispered Collie, and Riley felt her lips on hers. She would never get used to the feel of Collie kissing her, she felt like she was on cloud nine every time they kissed.

“I have to go Collie,” whispered Riley, pulling away from her. She didn’t want to leave her, didn’t want to walk away from her, didn’t want to get on a plane and leave her Collie. “I’ll talk as soon as I land.”

Collie nodded and Riley pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. They had been together for three years now, three years of pure bliss and happiness and just the two of them together. In three years, she had fought with her sisters, fought with more bigoted boys than she could count, and moved in with Collie while taking online business classes.

Collie had been through her own share of misfortune, Chris had been unsure of their relationship, pushing back at her and even refusing to let her be around her nephews. Her parents had taken the news much better, and Connor and Carolynn were happy for them.

But Collie was staying behind so she could be with Hannah when she had her twins, she was still close to Hannah even if Chris had pushed her away. Connor and Carli had named her godmother of their daughter Elizabeth as retaliation to Chris, Carolynn and Tim-Tim had done the same with their second daughter Cassandra.

“Bring baby pictures with you,” said Riley, as she took a step back, “and get a two-piece bathing suit too, you’ll want something fun for the water.” She took another few steps back, letting the distance grow between them. “And an extra suitcase or duffle for all the things I’ll send back with you. Als-“

Riley laughed as Collie slammed into her, her arms wrapping around her neck and Riley’s arms holding her waist. She only stopped laughing when Collie kissed her, this was going to be the last time they saw each other for ten weeks, ten long, long weeks.

“I love you, Riley Becca Finau,” said Collie, between kisses to Riley’s face and jaw and neck. “I’ll miss you so much.”

That was the only truth, and it was what carried her through the airport, through security, through her terminal, and through the air to Hawaii. It was what carried her through meeting her sisters and the long, long ten weeks before she got to kiss or hug or just see Collie without a screen in between them.

~`~

Love is patience.

Hard wrought and won through love. The waiting is what kills her, makes her want her more. Anticipation is her specialty, but this separation kills her.

She has always been a patient person, a trade she picked up from her parents, but the plane ride is what gets her. She can’t sit still knowing that she’s so close now.

~`~

“I swear on my own grave Collie, if you don’t sit still I will kill you,” said Raymond, to which Collie just rolled her eyes. She wanted to see Riley, wanted to hold her and kiss her and be with her. “I’ve missed her too.”

Collie nodded and stopped tapping her foot, taking Raymond’s hand and squeezing it softly. She rested her head on Raymond’s shoulder and sighed. When Chris pulled even farther away, Raymond had pulled her close and held on.

“I know,” whispered Collie, turning her head just enough to catch his eyes. “But I can’t explain how much I miss her.”

Raymond sighed, and with a shrug of his shoulders, pushed her off and pulled his hand away. “Sure, sure, Coconut.”

Collie rolled her eyes, but smiled. Raymond had been calling her Coconut since he first heard her dad call her Coco, and they both knew that he was the only one who could get away with it. “She has a whole week of plans for me apparently.”

“As if you haven’t been busy enough back home with the twins and all the other kiddos,” said Raymond, and Collie nodded. It was true, Hannah had her twins, Cara and Alan a week early, and Collie had been around their house almost every day to either babysit the older boys or help out with the newborns.

She had eight nephews and nieces, five of them belonging to Chris and Hannah. They were only twenty-five with triplets _and_ twins, but they were happy, they had what they wanted.

Collie turned to the window and thought of the engagement ring Rachel had given her. It was tucked away in her backpack in the overhead compartment, it had once been Riley’s mother’s ring.

They were going to be together for the first time in weeks, on the farm that Riley was supposed to grow up on, in paradise.

It was the perfect place to purpose.

“She’ll say yes,” said Raymond, bringing Collie out of her daydreams. “If not I’ll marry you.”

Collie smiled and giggled as she looked up at Raymond, he was taller than both of her brothers, though just slightly shorter than her cousins. He was handsome, with his dark hair and eyes, skin the same color as hers, and he was familiar in a way she would never admit, Riley and him had the same eyes and nose and hands, the same ears and smile and sense of humor.

They both knew exactly what she was thinking at all times.

“I already promised Zac that I would marry him if Ry said no,” Collie told him, as overhead the seatbelt sign started flashing.

“Damn,” said Raymond with a laugh, “and I thought that I would be the next choice.”

“If it doesn’t work out with Zac, then you’re on deck,” said Collie as the pilot’s voice came on overhead.

Raymond rolled his eyes and Collie smiled up at him, just like Riley, he had the ability to always make her smile. Raymond was like her unneeded older brother, but she loved him as if he was Chris or Connor.

“So are you excited to be going back?” asked Collie, she was excited to see Riley, but a small part of her knew that she was even more excited to just be in Hawaii. She had never been anywhere so extravagant and beautiful. The farthest she had ever been away from La Push had been to visit her grandparents at their cottage in Northern California.

“Well I was eleven when I left,” said Raymond, sitting back as well as he could in his tiny seat. “And it’s been thirteen years now, guess it’s about time for all of us to go back.”

“It’ll be fine,” Collie reassured him, taking his hand again and squeezing softly. “I mean it’s about time Sara and Sorra got married to those idiots.”

Raymond chuckled and shook his head, “sure, sure, Coconut. Though I do have to say, I am so happy the only thing I have to do for this wedding is walk them down the aisle and look pretty.”

Collie nodded, she was happy for Sara and Sorra, they deserved to be happy, and she knew they would be. They were taking over the farm and the fishing business that their parents had left behind when they died. But they had decided to get married on the farm in Hawaii, away from their family, away from La Push.

Collie and Raymond were the only two from La Push who were coming down for the wedding, everyone else either couldn’t afford to come or like Mackenzie, were in school.

Collie was taking some online classes, but she mostly spent her time in the diner or with her nieces and nephews. She was spending more time with her parents too, mostly because the little house she shared with Riley felt haunted without her there.

The pair of them looked out the window as they started descending, everything was so unnaturally blue and bright. She couldn’t imagine living here, it was so different from everything she knew, everything she would’ve known.

“So Ry said that she would be waiting for us just past security,” said Raymond, looking down at his phone, but Collie wasn’t paying attention.

“Riley!” she screamed, running pass the security station and to where Riley was standing. Collie felt herself slam into her, just like when they said goodbye so many weeks ago. “Riley!”

“Collie,” whispered Riley as her arms wrapped around her waist and she held her tight. “I’ve missed you.”

Collie pressed her mouth to hers and put all of her emotions, all of her wanting, into the kiss. She had missed her for so long, it wasn’t fair that she would only get a week with her before she went back home and left Riley in paradise.

“Clo,” whispered Riley, as she pulled away, taking both of Collie’s hands in her. “Collie I love you.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” whispered Collie as she felt Riley kiss her forehead. “Home hasn’t been the same without you.”

“I hope not,” said Riley, making Collie look up at her. “Nothing has felt right since I jumped on the plane down here.”

Collie smiled and felt Riley kiss her forehead again and wrap her arms around her waist, pulling her in close again. She wrapped her arms around Riley’s neck and reached up to kiss her again. It didn’t matter where they were, just as long as they were together.

~`~

Love is desire.

Wanting and consuming love for one another. It’s separation and longing and a want for one another. It’s need and love and Collie and Riley.

It’s overwhelming the feelings they have for one another, love is the need they have for one another, a burning desire.

Collie is everything she desires.

~`~

Riley slipped off her sandals once she reached the beach, then with a quick little stretch of her shoulders and legs, she took off. The sand was gray and coarse under her feet, the air was crisp and cold in her lungs, the water icy and cool against her legs and ankles as she ran.

She was home.

As much fun as she had in Hawaii, following after her sisters and helping them plan their joint wedding, she was happier at home. She was happier with Collie within arms-reach and close to her.

She was happier with Collie, happy to have her near, happy to have her ring on her finger.

Riley had plans to drag her away during the reception and propose to her on top of the same cliff that her father had proposed to her mother on. She had everything planned down to the second, but Collie had beaten her to it.

She had slipped the ring on her finger before she woke up that morning, waiting for Riley to wake up so she could present her with all the facts. Riley should’ve known that there was something off, as Collie wasn’t a crier and she hadn’t stopped crying the whole time she talked.

They kept it quiet from Sara and Sorra, not until long after the wedding was over and Collie had gone back to La Push with Raymond. They figured that the out of sight out of mind theory would keep Sara and Sorra civil about the whole idea.

Which worked, they both showered Riley with compliments and love and well wishes.

Collie went back home to tell her family, who took it even better than Riley’s sisters.

Except for Chris.

Riley took in a deep breath, letting the cold air energize her and push her forward. She wanted to be married to Collie, but more than anything, she wanted Collie and Chris to get along.

“It’s too cold outside to pull this shit Ry!” yelled Raymond from behind her. Riley sighed and slowed down as she turned around to face Raymond. He had her sandals in his hand and was staring her down from where he stood.

She walked towards him and held her hand out for her shoes, taking them when she got to him.

“What are you thinking Riley? It’s January,” grumbled Raymond as she slipped on her shoes and started walking towards the forest. “You’ll get frost bite out here.”

Riley rolled her eyes, thankful that Raymond was a few paces behind her.

“Does Collie know that you’re out here? Or did you leave her in bed again?”

Riley stopped and turned around to look up at Raymond, “shut up Ray! I just came out here to run on the beach, not to be questioned about everything!”

“You only run when you have something on your mind Ry,” said Raymond and Riley sighed, her brother had the ability to always know what she was thinking, even before she thought of it. “Is it Chris again?”

Riley turned back around and started walking again, she didn’t feel the cold when she was moving, but after standing for a few minutes with Ray, she started to feel the chill on her skin again. “Why doesn’t he like me? Is it too weird for him, or is it because I’ve ruined her?”

“Because Chris is never going to leave here Ry,” said Raymond, “he’s never going to leave here and grow pass La Push. He can’t let go of the fact that his father didn’t want him, even if he does have two parents.”

Riley stopped and turned around to look up at her brother again, Ray wasn’t much taller than her, only a few inches. She didn’t remember her parents except for a few distance memories, but their parents were tall, her Uncle Jacob stood much taller than her, and Grandpa Billy had been tall too before he lost the use of his legs.

“But-“

“Chris loves Collie, and he loves you too Riley,” said Raymond, cutting her off before she could refute. “But until one of his kids comes out, he’ll struggle with the fact that she loves you like how he loves Hannah.”

“He has been _hypnotized_ into loving Hannah!” yelled Riley, unable to keep it in. “Imprinting is an excuse to _not_ choose who you _love_.”

“Riley,” said Raymond and she could hear the same amount of restrain that their cousins and sisters and everyone used when talking to her. “You know that isn’t true. I’m sure if you were a wolf then you would’ve imprinted on Collie.”

Riley nodded, not able to find her voice for the first time in a long time; usually only Collie could quiet her like this.

“Chris will get his head out of his ass, I know he will,” said Raymond as he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. “Just be patient for once in your life.”

Riley was quiet as they walked through the woods to her back door. She didn’t live too far from her old home, it wasn’t far from the diner either, a quick walk or an even quicker bike ride for Collie every day.

Riley worked from home most days, she was in her last year of classes, and was in the process of starting up her own event planning company. For some reason, there were no event planning companies or wedding coordinators in their area. She had the experience of helping her sisters plan their wedding, and now she was planning her own.

“I thought that Collie was the insomniac,” said Raymond as he deposited her at her back door. “Get to bed before she wakes up, Ry.”

Riley nodded, and opened the door and stepped inside, waving to Raymond who had already silently disappeared into the forest. She slipped off her sandals and sweatshirt, then her running shorts when she got to the bedroom she shared with Collie. She slipped back under the covers on her side of the bed in just a tank-top and her underwear, letting Collie pull her into her arms.

“How was your run?” whispered Collie, her voice thick with sleep.

“It was good,” Riley told her, as she curled up in Collie’s arms and closed her eyes.

~`~

Love is tradition.

Passed down from mother to daughter, father to son, family to family, sibling to sibling. The Pack has it’s own traditions, each of them passed down from a time before all of them, except for one.

The wedding dress was on a whim, one white dress that fit all of them, that was simple and beautiful and perfect of each bride.

Not all love is traditional though.

~`~

Her something old was the shared wedding dress, it wasn’t that old, Hannah had been the first to wear it at her wedding to Chris. It was a little big on her, but with a few accessories, including a belt that was her something borrowed and her shoes which were her something new. Carolynn and Carli worked together to braid flowers and sea shells and ribbons into her short hair, to give her something blue.

Only Riley would want an outdoor wedding in January, but Collie had given in, proof of how much she loved her bride, her soon-to-be wife. _Wife_ , she was really marrying Riley today, after today Riley would no longer be Riley Becca Finau, but instead Riley Becca Clearwater.

It was what Riley wanted, she didn’t want to be tied down to her old life in Hawaii, a time that she didn’t know or remember.

Riley was saying goodbye to Hawaii, to her life before they met, and doing it on her own terms.

Riley was really the only person in the world who would want to get married outside, in January, in La Push, Washington. It was like a fever dream, but it worked for them.

“You look beautiful Clover,” said Chris as he stood behind her in the doorframe. She could see his reflection behind her in the mirror in front of her.

Collie turned around and took him in, it was next to impossible to get any of the Pack boys to wear a shirt for any occasion, but Chris looked good in his suit. He looked proper and sophisticated, handsome even as two of his son’s hung to his hands.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” asked Collie as she walked up to him and fixed his tie, unable to help herself. “I think Carli got a little heavy handed with the eyeliner.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” he said, as she felt small arms wrap around her legs. Collie loved all of her nieces and nephews, but the triplets, Alex, Dev, and Cam all held a special place in her heart. Cam the youngest of the three of them was her godson, he was her ring-barer. Her goddaughters, Nikki and Elizabeth were her flower girls. But all of the children had a place in the wedding, with the exception of Cara and Alan who were better off in Hannah and Chris’ arms during the ceremony.

“That’s a lie,” said Collie as she took a small step back, enough to put separation between herself and her brother, but not her nephews.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve acted Clover,” said Chris and Collie rolled her eyes. “I shouldn’t have treated you or Riley the way I did.”

“Have you apologized to her too?” asked Collie, as it was the only thing that made sense.

“I talked to her first,” said Chris, as Alex and Dev let go of her legs and Collie was able to walk back into the room. She went back to the mirror, and touched the lace that Carolynn had left for her to wear. “She took it well. She told me that it wasn’t right that you had a better relationship with Raymond than with me.”

“It just is what it is Christopher,” said Collie, as she reached for the veil, part of her thought that it was too much, but she knew that Riley would never wear anything like that.

The fact that Riley was going to wear a dress was more than she hoped for.

“You should wear it Collie, it’ll bring everything together,” said Chris, and Collie smiled as she turned around to look at him again, but he was gone, replaced by her father.

“Are you ready Coco?” asked Seth from the doorway, and Collie nodded, reaching behind her until she felt lace and followed after her father. After today she wouldn’t be just Clover Clearwater, she would be Collie Clearwater, wife of Riley Clearwater.

The walk down the aisle was too slow, Riley already stood in front of Uncle Jacob, smiling at her. She looked beautiful, her dress hanging down by her knees, her feet bare just like when she ran. She couldn’t hear anything except for her own heart beating out of her chest.

Until her father placed her hand in Riley’s.

“Marriage is tradition,” said Collie as she held Riley’s hands in her own, “it’s supposed to be the shared love of a man and a woman, but you and I have never been like that. We have never been one to follow in tradition, to follow in the footsteps put before us.

“I never thought that I would take this jump; that I would ever tell you how I felt, but I love you. I love you so much that it felt painful, I love you more than breathing, it’s how I’ll always love you,” Collie told Riley, as she slipped the ring on her fourth finger. “I can’t wait for the rest of forever, because it’s been forever since you first kissed me in the hospital nursery.”

The rest of the ceremony was a blur, it was easy to make promises, to say I love you, but everything slowed down the second Riley kissed her, sealing them as wives.

They were married now.

~`~

Love is want.

More, more, more. A better life, a happier life, more to do, more to see, more to love.

~`~

Riley stared at Zachariah Uley.

Zac was a year older than her and Collie, but that never seemed to matter. His father Sam was close to Collie’s mother, almost like siblings though they always called each other cousins. He had taken the pair of them in like younger sisters, even though he had his older sisters Hannah and Leila.

“Are you sure?” asked Zac, from where he sat across from them at their kitchen table.

“We knew you would need some time to think about it,” said Collie, as Riley reached over the table to lace her fingers with Collie’s. “I just want to let you know that you were the only one we felt comfortable asking for this.”

Riley tried to keep her breathing steady, as she waited for Zac to say something, anything. She wanted this just as much as Collie did, was willing to give up anything for this to work out.

“I don’t really know what to say,” said Zac, as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I mean we joked about us getting married Co, but I’ve imprinted on Ava and she’ll ask…she’ll want to…to know about this.”

“It’s not like you’ll actually be having sex with us Zac,” Riley told him, just the very thought of it made her stomach turn. “She’ll understand.”

“That’s not-“

“Zac,” said Collie, cutting him off before everything got out of hand. Riley squeezed her hand and tried to keep herself calm. “We don’t need an answer right away. We just wanted to feed you and ask you to do something that we can’t do by ourselves.”

“I want the two of you to have a baby,” said Zac, not meeting either of their eyes as he looked down that the table. “I really do, it’s just…I can’t…I don’t think it’ll be fair to Ava.”

Riley sighed and leaned back in her seat, unlacing her fingers from Collie’s to cross her arms over her chest. This was ridiculous, she knew why Zac was so concerned with Ava and her feelings, but Ava didn’t even know that Zac had imprinted on her, nor would she care if Zac was the father to their possible baby.

“Ry,” said Collie in a warning tone, and Riley rolled her eyes at her wife. She had been the one to come up with the idea of having a baby, she had been the one to ask Collie for this so quickly after they got married. “Give him time.”

“Ava is sixteen,” snapped Riley, unable to help herself. She couldn’t meet Collie’s eyes, but Zac’s were easy to catch. “She doesn’t even know that you imprinted on her Zac, and it’s not like we’re going to tell everyone on the reservation that you knocked one of us up.”

Zac stared at her, his eyes dark and angry, so unlike himself. She didn’t back down, keeping her eyes on his until he squirmed uncomfortably in front of her.

“I don’t know how to tell her,” whispered Zac, almost too low to hear. “Hannah and Chris imprinted on each other, it was easy for them, and Leila and James are only a year apart. None of them had a problem with it, even Claire and Quil just fell in love after being apart for sixteen years.”

“You have a five year age difference Zac,” said Collie, and Riley let her take over the conversation, she had watched both of her older brothers imprint. “If you want to tell her, you should first go to Aunt Rose and Uncle Brady and talk to them about the possible best way to tell her. You don’t know how she’ll take it, but freaking out about how to tell her is just going to make it harder _to_ tell her. And we all know how Ava is, she loves everyone, you included.”

Zac sighed and Riley unfolded her arms, Collie was definitely going to be the better parent of the pair of them.

“Okay,” said Zac, seeming to compose himself again. “So how are we doing this then?”

“Doing _what_?” asked Riley, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“Um…” said Zac, squirming again. “Having a baby? Isn’t that what the two of you wanted?”

“Yes,” said Collie before Riley could speak. “That is what we want.”

Riley met Collie’s eyes and felt herself smile as they took in what Zac had said. He would help them have a baby! A child that was all their own, a baby for them to hold and care for and raise up on their own.

If only her parents, her Grandpa Billy, could see her now, see where her life had gone, had taken the turn from what they originally planned.

“Zac,” said Riley, as she walked him to the front door. She could hear Collie singing in the kitchen, her voice was even more beautiful and enchanting than Billie’s, though she would never tell her cousin that. “Thank you for this.”

“Are both of you going to try or…?”

Riley bit her lip, they hadn’t really discussed that far into the future. She knew that it made more sense for her to carry a baby as she worked from home, but Collie was definitely going to be the one that took on more of the parental duties.

“I mean you’ll only have one shot at it,” said Zac, as he awkwardly crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s February, you want to have a baby before the New Year, right?”

Riley nodded as she met Zac’s eyes, before letting out a sigh and closing the door on him. She wasn’t always petty, but this made her feel better after his question.

~`~

Love is surprises.

Shocking and bright, wild and crazy, happy and funny and them. They are the unexpected, they are wild at heart, they go above and beyond.

They figure out how to have a baby.

~`~

Collie sat with her legs hanging off the side of the bathtub, Riley sat right beside her, and Zac sat on the floor next to the toilet. They were waiting for the alarm on her phone to go off, for the pregnancy tests to tell them that at least one of them was pregnant.

“This is driving me crazy,” complained Riley, and Collie rolled her eyes, not at all surprised. Riley had no patience, which she used to her advantage every day while booking venues and caters for the people who hired her to plan their events. It worked to her advantage, except for when she tried to use it on Collie.

“We have two minutes left,” Collie told her as she checked her phone. “It’s really not that much time.”

“I told Ava,” said Zac quietly, and both Collie and Riley turned to look at him. “About the imprint.”

“How did she take it?” asked Collie, as Riley laced their fingers together.

“She didn’t run away screaming,” said Zac, which Collie took as a good sign. “But she asked me to stay away for a while, until she could wrap it around her head. I…I think Harley has it right, by not telling Billie anything.”

Collie nodded as Riley tucked her head on her shoulder, which she knew was so Riley didn’t start giggling.

“It’s a start Z,” said Collie, because it was true. She had been with Connor when he imprinted on Carli, and had watched as the pair of them figured out how to be together even with the two year age difference. It obviously had been easier than how Zac and Ava were going to be, but she still remembered how awkward they had been together. “I mean Carli actually did run away screaming.”

“The three of them didn’t have any brothers, they never saw anyone phase until their imprint showed them,” said Zac, with a sigh as he brought his knees up to his chest. “But Ava’s seen all of her brother’s phase, even Henry.”

“Just give her the time she wants,” Collie told him as her phone alarm went off. She pulled her phone out of her shirt pocket and turned off the alarm as Riley untucked herself from Collie’s shoulder.

“You first,” whispered Riley as she reached forward for the six pregnancy tests sitting in front of them. They had taken them throughout the day, setting them upside down so they wouldn’t peek.

Collie pulled one out of her hands, finding the R that marked Riley on the top. “This one’s yours,” said Collie as she looked at the little window.

“And?” said Zac, crawling over to the bathtub, and pushing Riley’s legs out of the way to kneel in front of them.

Collie looked at the little plus sign and smiled, at least one of them was pregnant.

“Positive,” whispered Collie, turning her head and kissing Riley’s cheek. Zac sat back on his butt and smiled at the pair of them.

“Congratulations Ry,” said Zac and Riley smiled as she flipped over one of the other tests, also marked with as R.

“So I guess I’m pregnant,” she said as she stared at the little plus sign. Collie smiled as Riley started giggling and flipping over the other tests.

“And so am I,” said Collie as Riley laid out the other four tests, three marked with a C and one last R. All of them were positive, all of them had little pink plus signs. “How are we both going to do this?”

“Together,” said Riley, and Collie sighed, it was honestly better than what she would’ve expected Riley to say.

“I guess we’ll have to,” said Collie, as she rested her head on Riley’s shoulder. It was her turn to be comforted. A small part of her had hoped that she wouldn’t be pregnant when she saw the first plus sign on Riley’s test, but knowing that they would be going through this together, it felt right.

They were going to be parents, and they were going to be pregnant at the same time.

“How are you going to tell your families?” asked Zac, bringing them out of their little huddle.

“When it’s too obvious,” said Riley, and Collie rolled her eyes and she tried not to giggle. As much as she loved Riley, sometimes it just didn’t seem fair how easily she could make her laugh.

“That’s for later,” Collie told him as she felt Riley kiss her forehead, as she put her hand on Collie’s stomach. “When we realize how much trouble were actually in.”

~`~

Love is trouble.

It’s hard and chaotic and loud, it’s not for the faint of heart, it’s for those who love wildly. It’s for them to have fun in the only ways that they know. It’s for them to fall and get back up together.

They have been trouble since they met.

~`~

“So not only are we both pregnant,” said Riley, stating the fact out loud to try and wrap her head around it, “but _I_ am also pregnant with _twins_?”

“Yes,” said Dr. Azalla, agreeing with Riley for the first time since she and Collie walked into the OBGYN’s office. “That is correct.”

Riley nodded as she tried to relax back into her seat. This wasn’t fair, it was bad enough that they were both expecting and due at the same time, throwing in twins made it even worse. Twins meant that there would be three newborns on their hands, not just two.

They were essentially having triplets. They had seen what triplets did to Chris and Hannah, how tired and crazy they got from late nights and constant feedings.

“We’ll be okay Ry,” said Collie reassuringly. “We’ll make it through this.”

“Three babies,” said Riley, putting her face into her hands, she had known that it was crazy for both of them to inseminate themselves, but Zac’s worry made her freak out. She wanted a baby, they both wanted a baby.

Now they were both doing just that.

She should’ve known, she should’ve known because everything was going so well, she was so used to having to struggle to get what she wanted. She was used to the tragedy of her life, her parents dying in a freak accident when she was seven, and her grandfather dying when she was sixteen. She was the child that no one had known what to do with, the youngest by four years, and an unwanted addition to her family.

Her parents had wanted her, but the rest of her family didn’t seem to want her.

“It’s just a curveball Riley,” said Collie, reaching out and pulling Riley’s hands away from her face. “We’ll be fine, we’re both healthy, we’re happy, we have plenty of space and family to help us.”

Riley looked at her, feeling on the edge to hysteria, she was going to drive herself insane if she shut out Collie.

“Yeah,” agreed Riley, hearing her own voice break. “Okay.”

They left the doctor’s office with more pamphlets than Riley knew there could be paper for.

“We’ll be okay, Ry,” said Collie, once they were safely in the car together. Overhead, the rain banged on the hood of their car, sounding louder than it actually was. “We wanted a family.”

“I didn’t want three children all at once,” Riley told her, feeling the same panic as before. “I thought if we both had one, then it would be easy because then we’ll both have our own mini.”

“We knew from the beginning that this wasn’t going to be easy,” said Collie as she started the car, she didn’t do anything more than to turn on the heater. “We knew that if we both had a baby, even just one, that it wasn’t going to be easy for us. My job is demanding and your business is just getting off the ground. Never mind the fact that no one thinks we should actually have these babies.”

“I will kill Chris if h-“

“Your sisters called the other day,” said Collie, cutting her off. “I thought that you had already told them the news…Riley they were disgusted that we wanted to have a baby, let alone that we …we were both pregnant.”

Riley reached out to Collie, taking her hand as she started crying. Collie was the one who was having all he wild mood swings, while Riley seemed to be experiencing everything else. Collie hadn’t even had morning sickness, or heartburn.

“I’m done with them,” said Riley, grabbing her purse and pulling out her phone. “I’m going to call them and tell them that I don’t want them in our children’s lives.”

“Ry,” said Collie, letting out a small hiccup-y sob. “They’re your sisters, you can’t do that!”

“My sisters have proven over and over again that they _don’t love me_ , Collie! I don’t want them in our children’s lives if this is how they’re going to act!” yelled Riley, unable to help herself. She slumped back into her seat, letting her emotions hit her all at once, maybe Collie wasn’t the only one experiencing mood swings.

“You need to think more rationally Riley,” said Collie softly, ending her statement with another hiccup. “We both do.”

“I can’t forgive them for this Clo,” said Riley as she pulled her phone out of her purse. “I’m not going to call them right now, but I don’t want them in our life anymore.”

Collie nodded and pulled out of their parking space, before heading to the parking lot entrance, to take them home. They drove in silence, something that neither of them were used to, they always had music. Collie grew up listening to whatever her mother played in the kitchen, even if it was not always appropriate for a little kid, while Riley had spent so much time with her father and later Uncle Paul, who were never without a song playing.

“This is going to be hard,” said Collie, once they pulled into their driveway and turned off the car. “We’re going to get upset with each other and we’re both going to struggle at different times. We need to hold each other up when all else fails, Riley.”

“I know,” whispered Riley, reaching out for Collie, and feeling a peace wash over her as their hands met. “But I can’t let you or our children suffer because of my sisters. I can’t let you fall Collie. I can’t let our children feel left out because I married you.”

Riley brought Collie’s hand to her mouth and kissed each of her fingers, she was still amazed that Collie loved her enough to marry her, to want her.

“I love you,” whispered Collie, leaning over and kissing Riley softly.

~`~

Love is unwavering support.

Stand beside your girl, your love, your one and only.

~`~

Collie opened her eyes, she had been so tired after closing the diner for the last week. Her body fought against every decision she had, but every time that she so much as whined, Riley reminded her that she was having twins.

Twins, the pair of them beat out the one baby she was currently carrying.

“Are you okay?” asked Riley, from the nest that she had set up that was her work desk. Collie nodded, as she stopped to kiss her forehead, before walking into the kitchen.

She busied herself with making them lunch, today was one of the rare day offs she was getting before she went on maternity leave in two weeks, give or take a disaster or two. Riley was on labor watch currently, as twins were notorious for coming early.

“I’m just tired from closing,” Collie told her as she set a plate of mac and cheese and a sandwich down on Riley’s desk. “And Ryan wouldn’t stop kicking me this morning.”

Riley nodded and reached out a hand to softly rub Collie’s stomach. Every time she did it, Collie felt a little more calm and their baby Ryan calmed down.

Cydney and Caspian, and Ryan were the names that they had decided on after finding out the genders of their children. Their middle names had been easy, Seth for Ryan, Caitlyn for Cydney, and Zachariah for Caspian.

Collie would’ve given them Riley’s parent’s names, but she had refused. She didn’t know them, she didn’t know if they would’ve approved of them, would’ve wanted her the way she was.

“I thought Connor and Carolynn were going to start closing,” said Riley as she picked up her sandwich. “You shouldn’t be doing all of that work on your own.”

“That starts next week Ry,” Collie told her as she sat on the arm rest of the couch and rubbed her lower back. “I wish it was this week, my back is killing from bending over all the time to clean.”

“I don’t like to hear that,” said Riley swiveling in her chair to look at Collie, her sandwich still in hand. “I have no issue calling your mom, Clo.”

Collie rolled her eyes and got back up on her feet, feeling her back pop as she did so.

“Riley,” said Collie calmly as she felt warm liquid rush down her legs. “My water just broke.”

“I can see,” said Riley as she got to her own feet and grabbed her phone, “I’m going to get you a towel while I call Zac.”

“Thank you,” said Collie as Riley threw a towel at her and Collie wrapped it around her stomach.

This was throwing all of their plans out the window, next week Zac was supposed to come and stay with them to keep an eye on Riley while Collie was at work. She really wasn’t supposed to go into labor three weeks early.

“Zac is on his way,” said Riley as she walked back into the living room with Collie’s baby bag over her shoulder. “Do you want me to call your parents?”

Collie sighed and closed her eyes as a horribly bad cramping pain hit her. She tried to remember how to breathe correctly as the pain flowed through her. “Riley!” she said reaching out to her blindly, “it hurts so much!”

She felt Riley take her hand, then touch her face, lifting her chin and stroking her cheek. “Just breathe, Collie,” said Riley as she squeezed her hand, “just breathe and listen to my voice.”

The pain passed quickly and Collie smiled up at her, feeling a calm pass over her as Riley leaned down and kissed her. They were going to have a baby, a little boy to love and care for, something that was all theirs.

“I’m here!” yelled Zac, from the kitchen as he ran into the house. “I’m here!”

“Zac calm down,” snapped Riley, turning to him as she kept her hand on Collie’s cheek. “I need you to stay calm and drive us to the hospital. Then I’ll have a few more things for you to do when we get there, is that okay?”

“Yes,” said Zac, walking over and taking the hospital bag from Riley and scooping up Collie in his arms. Collie rested her head on his chest as he carried her to his truck and put her up in the cab, before lifting Riley up too.

“We’re going to have a baby,” whispered Riley as she squeezed Collie’s hand. Collie closed her eyes and rested her head on Riley’s shoulder, lacing their fingers together as Zac started driving.

She was ready to meet her baby.

~`~

Love is three.

Three babies, three children, a family that grows and changes and becomes more.

~`~

Riley looked over at Collie, where she sat with Cydney in her arms. It had been a hard decision to leave Ryan with Collie’s parents, but it ended up being best when Riley had to get a C-section.

“My parents are going to watch Ryan for as long as we need them to,” said Collie, as she rocked Cydney, “I think they miss Tessa being this little, or just having a baby around.”

Riley smiled and looked down at Caspian in her arms. He looked like Raymond, and she knew it was crazy, but Cydney looked like Collie, but with Riley’s eyes. It was too early to tell anything though, newborns didn’t really look like anyone.

“I hope they all get along,” said Collie, as she patted Cydney’s back. “I don’t want them to fight like Chris and I do.”

“Chris has come around a lot more since we got married,” Riley told her, as it was true. He had put in even more of an effort in the last few months, since they had announced their pregnancies. He even dropped them off a box of old baby clothes, but so did everyone else who had children of their own.

But Chris had come over first with the offering, and it was more than Riley ever expected. It had put him back on her good side, if only until he screwed up again.

“Raymond told me that your sisters called,” said Callie softly, not meeting Riley’s eyes. “They wanted to wish us congratulations, but they understand that you don’t want to talk to them.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them, Clo,” said Riley, trying to hold back the anger in her voice. “It’s the fact that they have not showed any support in our life together, not when we started dating, not when we got married, and not when we got pregnant. If they can’t bother to come up here now, then why should I have to worry while they’re thousands of miles away?”

“I was just passing on the message.”

Riley sighed, and slumped back into her pillows. She had been exhausted when they had come in early in the morning, knowing that she was going to be induced for labor. Nothing could ever prepare her for the anxiety of knowing that she was going to be having her babies when she woke up to Ryan crying at four in the morning.

“Riley,” said Collie as she stood up and put Cydney in the bassinet. “Stop thinking so much, you’re exhausted, you’ve just had a major surgery. It’s time to sleep.”

She took Caspian out of Riley’s arms and placed him in beside Cydney before crawling into the tiny hospital bed with her. Riley ran her fingers through her hair, it was much longer than she ever kept it, mostly because she got annoyed with getting it cut so often.

“I’m just-“

“I know,” whispered Collie, as she leaned forward and kissed Riley.

She felt herself relax into the feel of Collie, her hands tangling in her hair and her mouth moving softly again hers. She loved her, there was no turning back from that, Collie was everything that she wanted, would ever want.

~`~

Love is wanting.

Wanting, needing, having, love is built up over years, over moments of their lives. It is a magic thing, swift and unknowing, lovely and warm.

It’s a want.

~`~

“My friend Daisy has a little girl that she can’t care for,” said Hailey as she sat across from Collie and Riley at their dining room table. “Embry and I would take her in until Daisy got on her feet, but because I know Daisy, I’m not allowed to.”

“So you want us to take her in?” asked Riley as she flipped through the binder she had put together for her newest clients. “We don’t have a foster license.”

Collie sighed and sat back in her chair. They had been playing around with the idea of becoming foster parents for the last few years, before they got pregnant with their children.

“I know, but it’ll only be for a few days, a very temporary situation,” said Hailey, and Collie nodded, nudging Riley’s foot with her own under the table so she could actually listen. “I have some pull with the state, I trust that she’ll be okay with the two of you.”

“Why can’t you’re friend take care of her daughter?” asked Riley, looking up from her binder. “And why are you asking us and not one of your daughters?”

“Daisy has to go to rehab for excessive drinking and I did ask my daughters,” answered Hailey softly, she looked sad and Collie felt her heart break. Hailey was one of her parents many friends and she had grown up with her as an Auntie more than anything. Her oldest daughter, Lacsey, was adopted and married to Collie’s cousin Marcus. “None of them seem to be a good fit for Rebecca.”

“Rebecca?” asked Riley, and Collie knew that she was in, hook, line, and sinker.

“Bee for short,” said Hailey, with a sad smile, “she’s a good girl and I’m only asking because I don’t have any parents to take her in.”

“So we’re her last hope,” said Collie as she felt Riley’s hand squeeze her knee. “We’ll have to talk about it a little more, but we’ll have an answer tomorrow.”

Hailey smiled and Collie knew that it worked, the conversation she would have with Riley later would be an easy one. Riley would want the baby, they wanted another child, Riley _really_ wanted another child.

~`~

Love is their children.

Two boys, two girls, the love they wanted, and the love they needed.

Four was their number.

~`~

Riley cuddled in the couch with Bee, she was such a sweet little girl, so different than their other children at two years old. She was a little small for her age, she had been underweight, but she was gaining it back slowly, it helped that Collie was home a bit more as Connor had taken over closing the diner for her.

It helped that they now had one more child than Connor and Carli now.

“Hey baby girl,” whispered Riley as she rubbed Bee’s back. “Feeling sleepy?”

Bee closed her eyes and Riley smiled. They were only supposed to have her for a few days, but that quickly turned into a week, then a month, and now they were talking about adopting her. It turned out Daisy was happier without her daughter and her life was taking a turn for the best without Bee.

Which was fine, because Riley felt like her life was getting better with Bee.

She loved her children, she loved her babies, and Bee was just another one of her babies.

“And to think that someone didn’t want to foster,” said Collie as she sat down beside Riley and Bee with a cup of coffee for both of them. “Now you can’t let her out of your sight for a second.”

“I will be the first to admit that I made a mistake,” said Riley, as she looked back down at Bee in her arms. “She completes our family.”

“She does,” agree Collie before taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t think the kids will understand if we didn’t adopt her.”

Riley took a sip of her coffee while Collie rested her head against Riley’s shoulder. Their life had seemed to take a complete change from when they first met. Riley never imagined that she would get married, never imagined that she would fall in love with Collie Clearwater, never imagined that she would have children, but now she had it all. She was happy, she had a home, a family that she loved and grew into, a life that she created to fit in everything she wanted.

She was happy because Collie was happy, because their children were happy, because she had the reason to be. For the first time in her life, she had no one pushing against her, telling her that her life, her love, was wrong.

“How quickly can we get the adoption process started?” asked Riley, and Collie looked up at her.

“We would have to talk to Hailey,” said Collie, sitting up on the couch. “She would be able to talk us through it at least, or maybe my parents would be able to.”

“I always forget that your dad adopted Chris,” said Riley, because at this point, Chris was just as much biologically Seth’s son as Collie was his daughter.

“It’s easy too,” said Collie, as she took Bee from Riley and cradled her in her arms. “He’s always been part of the family.”

“You were born on the day he was officially adopted, it’s not like you know anything different,” Riley told her as she reached for her phone on the coffee table. “I’m going to call Hailey and see if we can get a leg up on the adoption process.”

Collie smiled at her while Bee slept in her arms, and Riley felt her heart swell with love. She leaned over and kissed Collie’s cheek and Bee’s forehead before getting up and going to the kitchen so as to not wake up Bee.

~`~

Love is home.

The home they made together, the home they made with their children, the home they found love together.

Home is La Push.

~`~

Collie held Caspian and Cydney hands as they walked into the court house. In front of them, Riley was holding Ryan’s hand and Rebecca in her arm as she lead the way.

Today, Rebecca was officially going to be part of their family, officially become their daughter.

She was sure that Riley’s parents would be proud of her, proud of how she grew and changed and became the amazing woman that she was. Collie loved her, she loved how much she had grown since they met each other; twenty years had passed since Collie had met her, twenty beautiful and wonderful years.

She was ready for another twenty, thirty, forty, fifty more years with Riley at her side.

She was ready for Riley to always be with her and to grow old with her.

“Mama!” said Cydney as she bounced with each step. “Why are we here?”

Collie smiled as she stopped beside Riley and took Ryan’s hand. Their three oldest, Ryan, Cydney, and Caspian were always together, ever since Cydney and Caspian were born.

“Because today we’re becoming a family, all six of us together,” Collie told her as Hailey came over to them. “Hi Auntie.”

“How is everyone today?” asked Hailey with a big smile on her face.

“We actually got here early, no one fought to get dressed or to eat breakfast,” said Riley, with a matching smile. “We didn’t even have a meltdown getting into the car. So we are running on very limited time until we get a tantrum or something goes wrong.”

“Sounds about right,” said Collie, because it was the truth, they were running on limited time. “How long should it take?”

“We should be in and out in a few minutes,” Hailey told them as Caspian took her hand and started bouncing on her feet. “You’re just going to be approved, Bee’s name will be changed, then you’ll get an official portrait and can go back home. A half hour tops as long as it goes well.”

Collie nodded and smiled at Hailey, before leading the way into the courtroom that they had been assigned to. In less than an hour, they would officially be a family of six, the pair of them with two little girls and two little boys.

“Are you ready?” asked Hailey, her hand on the doorknob, just as anxious for them to become a family as they were.

“Yes,” said Collie, glancing at Riley as she looked down at Rebecca in her arm. “We are.”

~`~

Love is Collie and Riley.

~`~

Riley walked into the diner and sat down in her favorite seat.

It was the only seat that could see into the kitchen, it was the best seat in the whole diner. She could see Collie perfectly from where she stood at the kitchen expo station, playing on her phone.

It was quiet, the usual midafternoon lull of the day. It was just about shift change and she was the only one who ever came in at this time. The kids were all in school now and it was the only quiet either of them got during the day.

“ _What happened here, what is this world? It’s too far from the heart of a girl, a ripple in the water, from the drop of a pearl, I’m on the shore waitin’, for the heart of a girl_ ,” sang Collie from the kitchen. Riley smiled as she watched Collie put away her phone and move around the kitchen. She didn’t often get to hear her sing, unless she was singing to the kids. “ _Many doors, knock on one, standin’ still, time is raging, staring down the mouth of a hundred thousand guns, and you’re still here, you’re still here_.”

Riley giggled as she watched Collie start to dance around the kitchen as she made them lunch. Collie wasn’t the best dancer, but Riley was even worse, their first dance was more than proof of this. It was one of the reasons why they both went barefoot during their ceremony or their reception. Even if it had been freezing outside.

“ _I believe that we never have to be alone, yes I believe it’s just around the bend, you can hold it in, or you can scream it on a microphone, there is no end, there is no end_.”

Riley closed her eyes and let Collie’s voice wash over her. This was the time of day that she craved for, it was the time of day that she loved. She loved their children, but three sixteen year olds and one thirteen year old was a lot more drama than she could handle on her own most days.

They had really underestimated how hard it would be to have children, especially kids that were just like them.

“ _And, deep in the night, I feel the presence, of something that was long ago told to me, there is a hand, guiding the river, the river to wide open seas, and deep in my heart, in and again, on any mountain, no I’m not afraid…_ ”

Riley opened her eyes and allowed Collie to kiss her before sliding in beside her, setting a plate of fish and chips in front of them.

“ _Standing on stone, you stand beside me, and honor the plans that were made_ ,” whispered Riley, finishing the last verse and leaning forward to kiss her wife. She loved her, loved her more than breathing, more than her own life.

“I love you,” said Collie as she pulled away.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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